Don’t let the video grab fool you - this is HOT STUFF

Some very sexy relaxation is going down at a hotel pool somewhere in the Far East. Ignore Edwin van der Sar’s woeful backstroke technique and enjoy.

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Act of terrorism rocks the Asia 2009 pre-season tour

A 100,000 sell-out crowd were looking forward to seeing Manchester Utd play a friendly against an Indonesian All Star side in Jakarta on Monday, but the game has been cancelled after a series of hotel bomb attacks killed at least nine people.

Yesterday the squad arrived in Kuala Lumpur ahead of a friendly against a Malaysia XI on Saturday, and were due to stay were due to stay in Jakarta’s Ritz Carlton ahead of Monday’s match. Said hotel suffered in a series of attacks which happened in Jakarta’s central business district just after midnight GMT.

Manchester Utd have issued a statement via their official site:

Following the explosions in Jakarta - one of which was at the hotel the team were due to stay in - and based on advice received, the directors have informed the Indonesian FA that the club cannot fulfil the fixture in Jakarta on the 2009 Asia tour.

We are working on a revised itinerary outside Indonesia with the promoters and we will make a further announcement when these decisions have been made.

We are deeply disappointed at not being able to visit Indonesia and thank the Indonesian FA and our fans for their support.

Our thoughts go to all those affected by the blasts.

Alex Ferguson told a news conference that the cancellation was the correct decision in light of the need to safeguard the players and staff.

There’s no word yet on whether this attack will affect the rest of the Far East tour, which should also take in China and South Korea.

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Manchester Utd star will one day be your landlord

Madeira: slightly nicer than Manchester

Those who assumed Cristiano Ronaldo spent all his money on sports cars, hair gel and hotpants had better think again - the Manchester Utd winger is sinking his riches into property.

At one point, Robbie Fowler was became the wealthiest sportsman in Britain thanks to his obsession with snapping up property, and after buying another four homes and a Portuguese hotel, it looks like C-Ron could be disgustingly rich in no time:

Portuguese idol Ron, 24 tomorrow, plans to put £8million into a hotel boasting sea views on Porto Santo, an island near his native Madeira.It is a shrewd move for the winger, who already owns a £4million mansion in Cheshire and a string of pads abroad.

He already owns a villa and a flat near Lisbon, has bought a house in Madeira for his mum and invested in boutiques for his sister.

At a time when property values are decreasing, this seems like a very sensible long-term investment. Plus, he’ll finally be able to stay at a hotel where they don’t mind him and his female guests checking in for just a few hours…

Frenchman breaks law, endangers team mates, has a good laugh

It looks like C-Ron wasn’t the only one to have an automotive accident yesterday. Bayern Munich are still enjoying their long winter break in Dubai, and according to German rag Bild, Franck Ribery decided it would be good fun to take the team bus for a spin. Uh oh.

The midfielder, who had one hundred stitches in his face after a car crash as a two-year-old, did a lap of the hotel with the entire team on board. Before long, he smashed through two road signs and scarped the curb before putting an end to his own high jinks.

The hotel were left fuming by the damage and the fact that Ribery didn’t have a bus driving licence, and embarrassed Bayern general manager Uli Hoeneß had to suffer the consequences of Ribery’s prankery.

Manchester Utd man attended shortest celebration of all time

This morning’s Sun newspaper tells us how Wayne Rooney is looking to recreate a night of sleeping on the floor, because the last time he did it was the evening Manchester Utd won the Champions League final. If that seems confusing, then the striker’s understanding of his wold partying in Moscow is even more so:

“We went to the party afterwards, which was brilliant, and did not get back to the hotel until about 2.30am.”

The Champions League final kicked off in Moscow at 10.45pm, meaning normal time would have ended at around 12.30am. Extra time and penalties would have taken another hour, meaning Rooney would have started celebrating on the pitch at around 1.30am. In the next hour, he got changed, did some interviews, left the stadium and crashed at his hotel. Somewhere in that sixty minute window, he also attended the ‘brilliant’ party.

Granted, it’s a petty point about an article that makes absolutely no sense (how can he ensure a victory in a game by sleeping on the floor after that game?), but we at The Spoiler believed Mr Rooney had much bigger drinking boots.

Talented footballer knows no shame

Pictured, friends, is an enormous breach of international hotel etiquette - you don’t wander around swishy hotels (namely The Crowne Plaza in Moscow) willy-nilly in just your pants. And yet, that’s exactly what cocky winger Cristiano Ronaldo is doing here, as if he is somehow above the law.