Chelsea skipper employs unique defending strategy

Little Dennis Wise isn’t all about needless aggression and taking Mike Ashley’s money for no particular reason. In his late nineties playing career, he also offered free testicular exams, and here he is carrying one out on The Sun’s least informed sports journalist.

Thanks to eagle-eyed Sporno fan Pranav for the spot.

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SportsbyBrooks have discovered a much more ‘exciting’ (read: ‘topless’) Germany/ Austria match than the one we witnessed last night (NSFW)

Bradley Wright-Phillips and Nathan Dyer charged with bulglary
[BBC]

The rather ingenious Big Brother Predictor - great if you’re into that kind of thing
[chickendinner]

Totally random: Playboy model Jo Garcia demonstrates the correct use of a Nintendo Wii Fit
[Machochip]

Euro 2008 headline puns to cover every eventuality
[The Offside]

Lewis Hamilton’s £200,000 number plate
[Grid Crasher]

Official pictures of the Rooney wedding - Coleen is immaculate, Wayne is unshaven and tie-less
[Kickette]

Is there a higher force at work?

Hoddle was right, some people are cursed. Perhaps not in the same repulsively narrow minded and disturbing fashion he attempted to smudge on the nation’s brains, but somewhere in the same spooky ballpark. After all, look at Petr Cech - he obviously spent a former life making scathing remarks to a princess, or waging war on harmless little butterflies. Because, as things stand, his life just got rubbish.

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BBC Producers kill off Ian Wright character in Christmas Special
[The Gaffer]

Formula One Grid Girls galore
[Grid Crasher]

Barcelona want £31.5m for lazy overweight layabout Ronaldinho
[Football 365]

Manchester Utd/ Barcelona first goalscorer betting
[chickendinner]

David Beckham adopts the ‘Uncle Albert’ look (more hair on the bottom of the head than the top)
[Kickette]

Barack Obama has mad basketball skills
[All Balls]

And on an unrelated note: here’s a leaked version of the trailer for The Dark Knight.
[WWTDD]

New Gladiators presenter feels he’s not being taken seriously enough in his role as a pundit

Professional gob Ian Wright has told the BBC he is taking his punditry elsewhere after accusing them of treating him like a “comedy jester.”

The Spoiler had always assumed Wrighty’s barrow boy approach to the game was all of his own design, but Wright said “I feel like I’m just there as a comedy jester to break the ice with Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen who just do run-of-the-mill things. I can’t do that anymore. People want something different.”

While never the most insightful of analysts and prone to heaping undeserved praise on “Shaun”, Ian Wright deserves the viewers’ congratulations for a) having the backbone to quit instead of continuing to pocket a paycheck (said to be in the region of

Ian Wright unveils controversial plan to stamp out lippy outbursts

In a week that saw tantrums from Cashley Cole and Javier Mascherano, esteemed Sun journalist Ian Wright has revealed a ridiculous intriguing plan to bring some respect back into the game. Wrighty believes teams should have points deducted at specific points in the season, based upon the amount of dissent players have shown. He also wants to ban any type of swearing towards match officials (I thought that was already banned?), employ lip readers to study match footage after games (an idea he probably discovered when leafing through Zoo Magazine) and impose a rule that will see only team captains talking to the referee.

Is it just me or is this idea a little bit daft? Perhaps a better solution would be to introduce a straight red card for dissent, with video evidence and lip reading being employed to influence the length of the ban. What do you think? Get voting!

Capello’s first chance to show what he can do - what will the experts make of him?

If Fabio Capello does half as good a job of managing the England team as he has of convincing the press he is the sadistic head of a bleak Victorian educational academy, England should never lose again.

As tonight’s broadcast opens, Lineker’s certainly bought into it. “A new era, a new set of rules … new teacher… pass their exams…” and Ray Stubbs picks up the theme with some headmaster questions to Capello himself. Fabio doesn’t much care for the comparison, though. He prefers “serious” and “professional.”

Lineker tries the first joke of the evening by saying “Stubbsio” knows his “Fabio Capello from his Marty Pellow.”

Hansen, Shearer and Wright complete the studio line-up for Capello’s debut, and all goes much as one might expect - calm, and upbeat. Hansen is head and shoulders above the two Englishmen with strong feelings about David Beckham being denied his hundredth cap. A potential awkward moment looms when Hansen compares Beckham’s tireless, uncomplaining attitude to that of players who “in this day and age players retire for fun.” Premature retiree Alan Shearer is sitting right next to him, but lets the remark slide.

Shearer opens with a bit of a lunge, claiming Fabio “has probably got the best CV of any manager at any time…If he can’t get success we’ve got a problem…a problem bigger than we think there is.”

Ian Wright thinks “We’ve got the right man.”

A cagey start, then. Nothing controversial, but not too much insight either. Seems the pundits are as much in the dark as everyone. Will they be able to resist the educational comparisons at half-time?

Half time: England 1 Switzerland 0. England have an unpleasantly familiar look about them - toothless in front of goal, losing possession too easily, disjointed. The pundits face an awkward dilemma - be positive or be frank?

Hansen - Positive. “They’ve created chances.”

Shearer - Positive. “They’ve tried to get it down and play, and play in the right way.”

Wright - Neutral. He comments on fans booing and the quiet atmosphere. “We’re trying to do it too quickly,” apparently.

They all agree Joe Cole was great and were quite keen on Wayne Rooney’s effort, then come back after a Munich ‘58 tape suddenly very animated about David Bentley. For Shearer, he’s very nearly the man of the match so far. Strange he didn’t mention that earlier. England get off quite lightly.

Reports have abounded in the last couple of weeks of how Capello doesn’t hesitate to defend a 1-0 lead, could the second half be even more dour than the first? Please god, no.

Full time: England 2 Switzerland 1. A much more lively second half, with Rooney the pick, if a bit showboaty at times, and Switzerland didn’t just come to go to Harrods and the Lion King. The flurry of substitutions on both sides disguised some of the cracks in the defence. Gerrard gets Man of the Match, but I thought he only started playing in the last 15 minutes. The pundits will have a bit more to coo over, but that first half was creaky.

Hansen - “The big bonus is Bentley.”

Shearer - Pat on the head for the new man for “lifting a team which was so low in confidence.” “We’ll be OK”

Wright - “Like it.” “The boys didn’t panic.” “Be patient - we’ve got a guy who’s a winner.”

It sucks to be Ian Wright

When chirpy Canadian popster Daniel Powter wrote the irritating tune ‘Bad Day’, he must have had a dismal twenty-four hours. But probably not as bad as Ian Wright had yesterday. Not only was his Range Rover taken away by