Hark, it’s the village idiot!

Everyone knows that those idiots who stand behind live reporters gurning and waving to their invisible friends grow up to be unfathomable cretins. This will come as very bad news to anyone who happens to count David Bentley as their pal.

Striker misinterprets purpose of goodwill mission

When it comes down to it, Craig Bellamy is a good guy. If you ignore the golf club attacks on teammates, nightclub assaults on women, chair hurling, racially aggravated assault and his thoroughly unprofessional attitude to transfers, he’s just a sweet little lamb with a pure heart. In testament to that fact, he’s just set up the Craig Bellamy Foundation in Sierra Leone, using £650,000 of his own money to help the disadvantaged children of the war-torn nation. Awww.

Oh wait, he’s just gone and duffed up a charity worker after an all-day drinking session in a casino:

The incident happened in the country’s capital, Freetown, in the early hours of Saturday after Bellamy and his two former SAS bodyguards went for drinks at the Lagonda Casino.

One witness said: “Bellamy had two minders with him but within 20 minutes of his arrival there was trouble.

“He was playing on a roulette table when something seemed to upset him. He was shouting and squaring up to people at the table.

“A few seconds later he jumped on one guy and started wrestling