Italian film producer and Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentiis has been been causing a fuss at the Serie A club for the huge pair of iron handcuffs he slaps on a player when they sign: since 2004, Napoli players have had to sign away image rights and sponsorship deals exclusively to the club.
Defiant in his tyranny, De Laurentiis has said his unhappy stars can go to England if they don’t like it in Naples, but bvelieves there may be nasty consequences to sleeping with Danielle Lloyd:
“We made these players - two years ago nobody knew who they were,” roared the movie mogul.
“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”
There are plenty of reasons De Laurentiis could criticise ol’ Blighty for, but the lack of bidets? Does a shortage of hideously antediluvian plumbing fixtures really warrant such a racist and sexist slur?
Perhaps the man who produced Petomane, the true story of a Frenchman who can control his own farts, should keep his opinions on hygiene to himself.
Everyone knows that those idiots who stand behind live reporters gurning and waving to their invisible friends grow up to be unfathomable cretins. This will come as very bad news to anyone who happens to count David Bentley as their pal.
When it comes down to it, Craig Bellamy is a good guy. If you ignore the golf club attacks on teammates, nightclub assaults on women, chair hurling, racially aggravated assault and his thoroughly unprofessional attitude to transfers, he’s just a sweet little lamb with a pure heart. In testament to that fact, he’s just set up the Craig Bellamy Foundation in Sierra Leone, using £650,000 of his own money to help the disadvantaged children of the war-torn nation. Awww.
Oh wait, he’s just gone and duffed up a charity worker after an all-day drinking session in a casino:
The incident happened in the country’s capital, Freetown, in the early hours of Saturday after Bellamy and his two former SAS bodyguards went for drinks at the Lagonda Casino.
One witness said: “Bellamy had two minders with him but within 20 minutes of his arrival there was trouble.
“He was playing on a roulette table when something seemed to upset him. He was shouting and squaring up to people at the table.
“A few seconds later he jumped on one guy and started wrestling
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