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Champions League and Championship-related schooling

1. Rafa has failed to think of the children
Whilst continual whinging about lack of funds has earned him an undeserved amount of sympathy, Rafa Benitez’s failure to bring through a single young player of any note during his five years at Anfield is pretty damning. Both United and Arsenal have a number of young players who have been developed through the clubs’ feeder teams (albeit often poaching them from other clubs in their late teens.) Yet Rafa, despite booting out Steve Heighway as Youth Development Manager and replacing him with err…himself, has merely signed dud after dud after dud, whilst ignoring local, young players entirely.
That, and not lack of funds, is why the Liverpool squad is so poor, and their bench so shallow.

2. Platini may have been right
Last night was possibly the best evening of Champions League football in a while, and much of it down to the tinkering Michel Platini made to qualification in the summer. Rubin Kazan, Unirea Urziceni and Dinamo Kiev all received direct passes into the group stage this year whilst Debrecen had a far easier time of qualifying into the Champions League proper, due to Platini’s ruse of pairing seeds.
After a slow start, it’s shaping up to be the best Champions Leaue group stage for a while, and were Inter, Liverpool and Milan to fall at the first hurdle, Platini would be a vindicated man.

3. Winning isn’t always a good idea
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it Gareth.

What did you learn last night? Tell us below

Is the Special One honing his act to replace Fergie?

Inter Milan will almost certainly win Serie A this season. Their two biggest rivals, Milan and Juve, are both managed by men who before August, had taken charge of a hefty zero matches in their managerial careers. The challenge should come from Sampdoria, Fiorentina and Genoa, none of whom are likely to have the staying power or experience for a long Serie A season.

Yet since Calciopoli, Inter always win the title. Its like being named the tallest dwarf. So Jose must do better to keep his job, and that means the Champions League, which Inter have started badly by drawing their first two matches. If Mourinho is fired at the end of the season, he will be casting his manly eyes to Old Trafford, where Sir Alex may soon be vacating the throne.

And what better way to ingratiate himself with the United faithful than having a pop at the bête noire of choice, Rafa Benitez, and the 2005 version, Arsene Wenger. Mourinho commented yesterday when asked if he feels pressure at San Siro:

“[Arsene] Wenger has been Arsenal’s coach for 15 years but he hasn’t won even a Carling Cup for six years. [Rafa] Benitez hasn’t won a league title in six years but they continue to keep him as Liverpool’s coach.

This is not the Italian mentality. To stay here I must continue winning and do well.”

Good work Jose - we miss you.

Great sense of style, makes football boring…

Being that we’ve all been raised to perform to a middling level of mediocrity and then never blow our own trumpets afterwards, Jose Mourinho seemed so dangerous and tell-it-like-it-is when he turned up in 2004. There isn’t an Englishman alive who could match him for mixing results with bravado - except probably Bergerac.

Unfortunately, on the football pitch, he created a team so mundane that watching Chelsea was the football equivalent of witnessing a big boring robot mindlessly pulverising an infant in a maths competition. Dull, dull, dull.

But now Chelsea are brilliant. So do we really want the boring one back in the Premier League? Let us know with a vote.

The Terminator, Luis Figo

Being stylish is a full-time job, take it from us.  The Spoiler is constantly searching for a new look, as, it seems, is Luis Figo. Already this year, he’s been spotted milling around in a gentlemanly set of knickers that clearly outline his Portuguese penis - as an homage to Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, we assume - and now he’s been plundering through iconic 80s films for his vibe, settling for The Schwartzen… the Shhwortzz… the Schwert… the Arnie look.

Fantastic.

UEFA have been playing with the crazy pots again

The good officials of the Champions League gathered around the trough in Monaco this afternoon, pausing briefly to pompously remove some plastic footballs from mixing bowls in one of their favourite little rituals.

As per, various pundits and sundry authorities were on hand to discuss the mouth-watering nature of the dance card, while those associated with the managerial side of things vowed not to underestimate anybody, as decreed by UEFA’s guidelines on how to talk to the press at times such as this.

Of the English teams, Liverpool probably feel the men in blazers could have looked harder to find them a couple of soft sides, but at least

Tomorrow’s headlines today…

Sick of sticking to the same old weekly pattern of tomorrow following today etc? Then great news, man! Here’s what the papers are going to be saying in the morning…

Calderon wastes opportunity
Ramon Calderon has become an expert in sending out mixed signals over the last few weeks, telling the world and Rafael Nadal that Ronaldo is on his way to Real Madrid one minute, then making out he was just kidding the next. Now Marca have reported that the Glazers are ready to sell Ronaldo after all, but given a chance to stir things up on Radio 5 Live, Calderon thought it best to deny everything. What is that little minx up to?

Fat Ronaldo going Dutch?
PSV Eindhoven have been so impressed with Ronaldo’s big blubbery stomach (pictured) and smooth smoking technique that they want to bring him back ‘home’ to, um, Holland. “Perhaps something beautiful will happen this summer,” honked manager Huub Stevens, before mysteriously adding, “it’s possible that we can eventually make use of him in another role as well.” Hang on - Holland? Another role? Gimp mask? Don’t do it, Ronny!

Tomorrow’s headlines today

If, like The Spoiler, you have trouble sleeping at night because you’re far too excited about what might happen in the morning, help has finally arrived. We’ve simply taken tomorrow’s big news, and brought it forward a day. Here’s what would have accompanied your breakfast were you not reading it now…

Robinho demands a pay rise
Should Ronnie Wood’s wife ever forgive him for running off with a Russian teen, she will be making some pretty hefty marriage demands. It’s what women do. Women… and Robinho. Now that the whole torrid affair with Ronaldo is out in the open, Robinho is demanding that Real Madrid give him double his wages, buy him some nice underwear and take him on that dirty weekend they always promised. Else he’s definitely going to do it with Chelsea.

Liverpool left in limbo
Juventus have completed the signing of Sevilla’s Christian Poulsen, prompting president Giovanni Cobolli Gigli to boldly declare that “unless something extraordinary happens, we have concluded our transfer activity.” Words which made Xabi Alonso’s heart miss a beat. Does this mean Rafa will be keeping him after all? And if so, what the hell is Barry going to do?

Lamps will demand Inter move
All the hipper kids - Barry, Ronaldo - don’t bother with transfer requests any more. It’s, like, so Jermain Defoe in 2003.