A round-up of of this afternoon’s other football news

Cristiano Ronaldo gets in more car trouble
Six months after having his Ferrari 599 GTB written off after a collision with a concrete wall, Ronaldo is again in trouble for a car-related incident. The Real Madrid star allegedly used his £80 million-valued feet to kick the car window of 17-year-old student Sara Pardal, sending shards of glass flying into her face. The FIFA World Player of the Year was heading to an Elton John concert with his mum and sisters when he spotted the girl videoing him. Ronaldo claims she was with a photographer who had been stationed outside his house for days and that he only reacted because his mother was distressed. He has expressed regret but also accused Pardal of exaggerating her injuries.

Sheffield United try to build bridges with West Ham
The Blades completed the signing of former West Ham winger Kyel Reid today and have used the move as proof that there are no hard feelings between them

‘The Strutter’ battles a serious clothes phobia

It may have taken us 300 days to get to her, but this is by no means a reflection of our opinion on Page Three model Lindsey Strutt. The 21-year-old from Doncaster is well known among Nuts, Loaded and Maxim readers for her inclination to bare her 32E chest, a habit that hasn’t gone unnoticed by the nation’s footballers. The lucky chap she selected to squire her about town is Ipswich’s Alex Bruce, also known as Steve Bruce’s son.

German midfielder ruffles a few feathers

Michael Ballack may have been on top form in Saturday’s FA Cup game with Ipswich, but he may also have joined the ever-growing list of footballers who have committed bird murder (birdricide?).

During the warm up, the confident German pelted one a flying rat, which proceeded to shed a large proportion of its plumage in the penalty area. The pigeon managed to fly away, but if it doesn’t survive the cruel London winter without half of its feathers, Ballack will surely have to attend Pigeon Killers Anonymous meetings with Lucas Neill and Gastón Aguirre.

Spoiler bonus: Ballack’s deadly aim may also stop this chap having children.

[Video: Dirty Tackle]

Naughty midfielder could face prison after

This month’s Jermaine Pennant Award for Idiotic Driving goes to Mikel John Obi/ John Obi Mikel/ John Mikel Obi etc, who was arrested and banged up for drink driving in the early hours of Saturday morning:

SOCCER star John Obi Mikel was busted for drink-driving at 5.30am - just hours before Chelsea’s FA Cup match.

Mikel, 21, was pulled over by cops who spotted him driving his Range Rover “erratically” outside the club’s ground on Saturday.

The £40,000-a-week midfielder was given a breath test and put in a police cell. He had been charged and bailed by the time Chelsea beat Ipswich 3-1.

According to The Sun, the Nigerian had already been told he would not feature in Saturday’s FA Cup clash, but that’s hardly an excuse for turning up to work in the morning smelling like Robert Downey Jr.

After failing a breath test, most normal citizens the prospect of a maximum prison sentence of six months and a fine of up to £5,000. As a famous footballer with a terrifying team of lawyers, however, Mikel can look forward to a few days in the can (if that), a light slap on the wrist and a fine that he could probably scrape together with change found underneath his couch cushions.

Spoiler bonus: Mikel was driving a Range Rover Sport, the Premier League’s automobile of choice. See the top ten footballer’s cars here.

Fortunately he didn’t have access to a golf club

In news that will undoubtedly rock the foundations of the football community, Craig Bellamy has been accused of abusing a female fan during last night’s 5-3 friendly win over Ipswich:

Bellamy was substituted with a leg injury halfway through the first half and, as he limped off, the £7million star became embroiled in a war of words.

The fan instantly reported the player’s outburst to a nearby police officer. Suffolk police spokesman Mark Norman said: “Officials of Ipswich and West Ham are both aware that an incident has taken place.” It overshadowed a thrilling night of football at Portman Road.

Allegedly the striker, who has already been in trouble with the fuzz in the closed season for going to town on a charity worker, was goaded by a female fan as he left the field. He said: “F*cking Ipswich prostitutes.” It’s very easy to lambast the tattooed Welshman for his outburst, but that’s quite a witty off-the-cuff retort for a man with whose idea of a good time is racially aggravated assault.