England/Andorra, 8.15pm, ITV1, Free Bets, Best Odds

If there is one criticism of England under Fabio Capello, it’s that they take too long to break down minnows. It took them 49 minutes to score against Andorra in Barcelona, 52 to find a way past Kazakhstan at Wembley and then 40 away to them last weekend. Andorra boss David Rodrigo plans to frustrate the Three Lions tonight, although Betfair odds of 219/1 (actually down from 239/1 earlier today) show that he’s not expected to have much success. Here are some stats from our friends at chickendinner about tonight’s game:

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» England have won their three previous meetings with Andorra without conceding a goal, scoring ten in the process.

» Andorra coach Rodrigo’s claimed that “England have always had problems when they have played against us and have been made to work hard to get the first goal.” However, they were beaten 5-0 on their last trip to Wembley in 2006 with the opening goal coming in the fifth minute from Peter Crouch.

» The minnows have lost their last 20 competitive games and their overall record in qualifying games is P58 W1 D2 L55. They’ve taken just a point from

Runner joins the list of poeple fed up with Ronny’s theatrics

Usain Bolt loves football almost as much as he loves chicken nuggets and showing off, and and is therefore relishing the prospect of meeting up with Cristiano Ronaldo for a training session. We were under the impression Bolt would be giving C-Ron sprinting tips, but it turns out he will actually use the opportunity to tell the Portuguese star to ‘man up’:

“The first thing I’m going to tell him: stop acting like a wuss.

“Seriously, because the fact why his game is kind of down right now is because these guys are picking on him because he’s so soft. No one in football will try it with Rooney. Ronaldo’s got to be a little like Rooney, he’s got to be aggressive, then these guys will stop picking on him. If Ronaldo’s aggressive back to these guys, and gets a few red cards, people will stop picking on him.”

Essentially, Bolt’s advice is that Ronaldo should try and get more yellow cards. Not the best advice for a player who has already picked up six cautions and a sending off this season.

World’s fastest man to give Manchester Utd star speed tips 

Thanks to some “creative editing”, it has been proven that Cristiano Ronaldo is faster than the world’s fastest production car. According to The Independent, however, the Portuguese winger will get a helluva lot quicker this summer, when he meets up with Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man:

Cristiano Ronaldo, who is already the most elusive of customers in attack, is to have sprint lessons from Usain Bolt, the fastest- ever human on the planet.

The world player of the year and the world’s fastest man are to meet in the summer, when Bolt is in Europe competing on the Grand Prix and Golden League circuit and preparing for the World Championships, which take place in Berlin in August.

Shockingly, this pairing did not come as a result of a cynical corporate sportswear stunt (we’re looking at you, David Beckham and Kevin Garnett), as C-Ron is a Nike man and Usain Bolt loves him some Puma.

The proposed training session is in fact the result of a request by Bolt’s management, as the Jamaican is a huge football fan who wishes to add a signed Ronaldo shirt to his memorobilia collection.

Jamaica manager cites ‘exceptional hardship’ as an excuse

With nine points on his licence, former Liverpool legend John Barnes faced a further six points and an automatic ban when he was caught driving his BMW X5 without insurance. Rather than take his punishment like Pepe Reina, the 44 year old took the Damien Duff-approved route of avoiding motoring offences, claiming ‘exceptional hardship’.

Barnes, pictured here partying with a handsome football website editor, lives in a £1m home on Merseyside, drives a luxury gas-guzzler and can earn up to £4,000 a week with television and managerial/ scouting duties. Despite his lifestyle, he claimed he would have to employ a chauffeur if he was banned, and couldn’t afford to do that and support a wife, an ex and six children.

The excuse worked and a Cheshire magistrate forced him to pay a £2,000 fine instead. According to this website, that equates to about 40 hours with a luxury chauffeur.

[The Telegraph]