All of today’s transfer rumours in one tasty package

With the economy in tatters, it now seems that a football team can buy three Frank Lampards for the cost of a Darren Bent. According to The Sun, Inter will bid a measly £6.6m for the Chelsea star, despite the fact that he cost them £11m back in 2001 when everyone thought he was a bit average. Come on, Internazionale, Abramovich has more money than that sitting between his couch cushions.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
Fantastic news: now Portugal are out of Euro 2008, so petulant w(h)inger Ronaldo can start toying with the emotions of the fans who worship him again. We didn’t even get to see him cry first - how unfair!

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will announce his intentions this weekend, apparently, but it all depends on whether United let him fulfil his dream of making obscene amounts of money

Jan Koller to Birmingham
Yes, you read that right. One of the most prolific strikers in international football has heard all about the physicality of the Coca Cola Championship and is eager to get himself a piece of the action.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Not even Baros would go to Birmingham right now

Andrei Arshavin or Obafemi Martins to Arsenal
It looks like Arsene Wenger is getting uncomfortable

The Spoiler considers Euro 2008’s aesthetically challenged stars

If the 1997 Oscar-winning Italian World War II film Life Is Beautiful taught us anything, it’s that beauty can be found even in the darkest of circumstances. Yet sometimes, even the beautiful game is plagued by the ‘handsomely impaired’. What follows is a squad that may be described as ‘ugly’, ‘fugly’ and perhaps most harshly, ‘pug fugly’. Read on if you dare…

1. Rüştü Reçber

The war paint and ‘face art’ are distracting, but not quite distracting enough.

2. Ludovic Magnin

You know life isn’t fair when you grow up to be bald and ginger.

3. Carles Puyol

It’s not 1976 - get a haircut, hippy!

4. Philippe Senderos

Jan Koller’s tasty challenge on VfL Bochum’s Christoph Dabrowski in the German Bundesliga 1 last weekend makes Mr Cole’s gauche effort from last week seem a little meek in comparison. And no, Koller wasn’t sent off either.

[The Offside]