Pick your favourite player who wears the revered squad number

Calendar enthusiasts will be aware that today is 09/09/09, which is easily the most significant day in the Gregorian system since 07/08/09. In celebration of this tremendous occasion, we’re asking you to pick the best current number nine in the Premier League.

It’s a fairly mixed bunch - which sees no representatives from nine-haters Fulham and Everton - and we suspect one of two names will dominate…

The players who won’t make the grade at their new clubs

In the spirit of writing people off at an unreasonably early stage of the season, we asked Spoiler correspondent Joe Thompson to list the top ten newbies who are likely to struggle in 2009/10. Thankfully, he obliged…

Alberto Aquilani
(Roma to Liverpool, £20m)
‘What?! I’ve seen him on YouTube, he’s a maestro! Great vision, long range shooting! Like Gerrard with nice hair!’ True, but he’s also crocked enough to make Darren Anderton look like The Terminator. In all competitions, he’s made 90 starts in five seasons. Look at the YouTube compilations again, he’s got a different haircut in every clip. OK, he’s Italian - it proves nothing- but he doesn’t play much. At £20m, Benitez has taken a massive gamble. By the time he plays it’ll be nearly Christmas, and a crunching (or even soft) tackle away at Stoke or Bolton might mean he’s glad to get back to the comfort of the treatment room.

Ronald Zubar
(Marseille to Wolves, undisclosed)
Very few players are immortalised in a football expression– The ‘Cruyff’ Turn, The ‘Blanco’ Bounce and ‘Zubrelances’. The latter is a term the Marseille faithful coined to describe Zubar’s regular defensive howlers. He’s played for France U-21’s, but then Titus Bramble also played U-21 football when he was clowning around at Newcastle. Mick McCarthy is already ‘pleading for patience’ with his new signing - Wolves fans are going to need it.

Roque Santa Cruz
(Blackburn Rovers to Man City, £17m)
Initially, this looked like a great match. Hughes had long been giving him the eye after re-launching his career

As ever, there was no time last night to revel in the joy of a Paul Scholes stonker, because while football is being played, behind the scenes people in dark suits are having business meetings, and those meetings are very important - they include “guesstimates” and “sushi”. Here’s what may or may not have been talked about in some of those sweaty deep-into-the-night think tanks:

Kamel Ghilas to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger’s team of dehydrated football forragers have once again resurfaced in their mining helmets with soil on their faces muttering like crazy people about an Algerian man called Kamel. At the moment he plays casual football for Portuguese side Vitoria Guimaraes, but next season he looks set to be entertaining Arsenal crowds, who love sexual football and Cesc Fabregas.

Antonio Valencia and Wilson Palacios to Manchester United
Yes, Ferguson will be on the hunt for bright young talents, currently dominating other first teams, to strengthen his reserves, and these two might be just the ticket. They do it week in, week out for Wigan, but can they do it perhaps once every three/four months for United when Nani, Anderson, Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Ronaldo, Giggs, O’Shea, and Fletcher are all injured? Or it’s the Carling Cup?