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Ballboy nonchalantly plays tricks on Jens Lehmann, who surprisingly is not amused.
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Modern Turkish medicine at last recognises the kiss as a valid form of healing
( Dirty Tackle )

They take their warm-ups seriously in Turkey
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The real reason Boro opted for Strachan
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And disciplinary hearings, Israeli-style
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Manic keeper caught living it up hours after defeat

The German festival of Oktoberfest (which actually happens mostly in September) is great. It takes place in Munich and provides a good excuse for everyone to get bladdered on quality beers for two and a half weeks, while dressed up in comedy blonde pigtail wigs.

However, it’s not the best place to be spotted if you’re a professional footballer whose team has just lost a bottom-of-the-table clash, and you were at fault for one of the goals.

That’s the pickle legendary ex-Arsenal keeper ‘Mad’ Jens Lehmann finds himself in today, having been dropped by Stuttgart after being snapped (pics here) gallivanting round the beer halls hours after a 2-0 defeat to FC Koln on Saturday.

Mental German keeper to challenge Alec Baldwin for World’s Greatest Living Actor title

Hot on the heels of his cameo appearance in the critically acclaimed masterpiece Goal II: Living the Dream, former Arsenal and current VfB Stuttgart goalkeeper Jens Lehmann has earned his first acting role proper.

The German star will play football talent scout John Jacobs (!) in Themba, which is currently shooting in South Africa. The film - based on the novel of the same name by German-Dutch writer Lutz van Dijk - follows an eleven year-old named Themba as he makes his way from poverty to the South African Football Team.

The film is unlikely to be a blockbuster (it doesn’t even have an IMDB page at the moment), but its international release just before the South Africa 2010 World Cup should boost its popularity.

[ScreenDaily, thanks to Mozzer for the tip]

Sadly there’s no room for player of the year Ryan Giggs here…

It’s another end of season list, but with a twist. To stop a roundup of the 08/09 Premier League team of the season descending into a top 4 love-in, we’ve tried to limit ourselves to only one player from each club. Sticklers for punishment that we are, we’re also rigidly sticking to a classic 4-4-2. It all ended up being a lot harder than we gave it credit for:

GK - Manuel Almunia (Arsenal)
Pulled off some super saves, stopped an inordinate amount of penalties, and has been good enough to have this ridiculous nonsense about him playing for England rise to the surface again. The Spanish keeper has come a long way from Jens Lehmann’s assessment he was to rubbish to play for Arsenal.

DR - Rory Delap (Stoke)
Rory Delap made a healthy contribution to securing Stoke’s top flight status, earning priceless league (and mental) victories against the big boys at a time when Stoke were looking the unfashionable new kids while Hull cakewalked it. He spent most of the season in midfield but his position is almost irrelevent for what he brings to the team.

DL - Luke Young (Aston Villa)
Playing completely out of position, covering for a crocked Wilfred Bouma and an absolutely dreadful Nicky Shorey, isn’t an ideal way to start your first season a new club, but Young has done the job manfully, without complaint and more often than not, impressively.

DC - Phil Jagielka (Everton)
One of the most reliable performers of the season until that heartbreaking injury, Jags has had a superb campaign, reaping benefits in the form of England

Goalkeeper shows he is still a bit mental

The Gottlieb-Daimler stadium hosted a thrilling 3-3 draw between Stuttgart and TSG Hoffenheim on Saturday, but the incident that stole the headlines occurred in the 86th minute.

Hoffenheim striker Sejad Salihović’s boot came off 22 yards in front of the goal, at the feet of Jens Lehmann. Instead of handing it back to the Bosnian forward, Lehmann sneakily chucked it behind him, onto the roof of his own net. Salihović was puzzled by his missing boot, and was ordered from the pitch until he could locate it. He eventually spotted the purloined shoe, and rejoined the match.

Hoffenheim coach Ralf Rangnick said the incident was “highly unsporting”, and worthy of at least a yellow card. Jens, however, vehemently defended his actions and let rip at the coach. Translated from Bild:

“Rangnick’s statement surprises me a lot. It is sad that he does not even seem to know the rules and calls me unfair. While he of all things tolerates the rude foul of that player [Salihović] through which Boka suffered a torn outer ligament. So where is the proportionality in that?

“Usually the referee had to stop the game and send the player off the field so he could have put his shoe back on there. So now the shoe lies were it could be an obstacle for a shot or a through pass. If Rangnick would follow everything so closely like he always pretends he would know that is what I do with everything in and around my penalty area.

“I can claim to not have seriously injured a player in 20 years and I have to deal repeatedly with classless (lacking niveau) comments just because people think they can do big headlines with my name.”

Some hilariously bitchy comments from a man who hit headlines last week for angrily ripping off a team mates’ headband and chucking it behind the goal.

Spoiler bonus: See footage of the boot confusion after the jump…

Beckenbauer and Lehmann fail to see eye to eye over dissent issue

After seeing yellow for protesting over an opponent’s feigned injury in a 2-2 draw with Eintracht Frankfurt at the weekend, Stuttgart keeper and perennial complainer Jens Lehmann said the standard of refereeing is so bad he may retire from the Bundesliga:

“There was a situation in which a Frankfurt player feigned an injury so we could not launch a counter-attack.”

“The referee said he had to stop play for the injury and then the man stands up and doesn’t even leave the field to be treated. I told the referee, ‘Look! There he goes!’ and he shows me a yellow card - incredible.

“That was so bad that I may as well not bother playing in future. I did not even say anything nasty to the referee.

“Surely there are better ones. I am sorry, but things cannot go on like this. This is sad for the whole of the Bundesliga.”

Jens is clearly outraged for receiving his third yellow card of the season for dissent, but if Franz Beckenbauer had his way, those cards would have been a different colour. The German legend has told Bild that the Bundesliga

Arsenal’s former shotstopper isn’t making friends at his new club

When mercenary Manchester City forward Robinho decided the most befitting method of transport he could take to the training ground was a helicopter, he faced only the wrath of those who disliked his vulgar moneybags attitude. Former Arsenal and current Stuttgart whinger Jens Lehmann, however, has infuriated an entire Bavarian town over his insistence on taking a chopper to work:

Lehmann and his family recently moved to the picturesque town alongside Lake Starnberg, but the ex-German keeper is not making any friends among the new neighbours, thanks to his habit of taking a noisy helicopter to his training in Stuttgart, 250km away.

On August 21, for example, he climbed into the waiting helicopter at 11am, took off for training, and returned making a racket at 8pm. Now

If in doubt, use the tongue

As anyone who has ever lingered in a changing room after a football match already knows, the conversations are pretty racy. You start with a rundown of the game, then before you know it you’re exchanging sex tips and doing that thing with your towel where you whip naked men in a totally non-gay way. Pictured above is Jens Lehmann putting into action one of the priceless sex tips he picked up at the Arsenal. Probably from Henry or Ljungberg.

“Seriously, just show her your tongue, Jens - works every time.”