Ex-WAG gets over Jermain Defoe the best way she knows how

In case you don’t know the wretched story, Jermain Defoe was happily dating model Charlotte Meares, and they had planned a lavish wedding, which included a ‘five foot ice sculpture of their interlocked initials’. This classy affair, however, was put to an end by hate monger Danielle Lloyd, who

If you fancy buying some drugs on a night out, head to Essex!

The highest concentration of WAG and footballer activity can be found in the overpriced clubs of Soho. But for a more relaxed (cheaper) evening, many head towards the provinces, and in particular Faces Nightclub in Gants Hill.

Where: On the Cranbrook road in Gants Hill, a stone’s throw from the Tube station. If lost, one of the local drug dealers will happily point you in the right direction.

How much: Entry is a modest ten pounds, but you can

Sit down and rest with this for maximum sweat protection

WAG heartbreaker turns property show into redundant farce

According to this blog, Charlotte Meares and Jermaine Defoe had set their wedding date for July 5 2008. To cement their love, the happy couple were looking to invest in a holiday home, and decided to take part in the Channel Four show ‘A Million Pound Place in the Sun’. Then Danielle Lloyd happened.

Despite ‘Full of Hate’s’ carefully-orchestrated destruction of this relationship, the show will still air – and here’s a sneak peak of what to expect this Thursday night at 8pm:

“It’s WAG heaven in this million-pound special of the original and best foreign property series. Amanda Lamb jets to Majorca to help England footballer Jermaine Defoe and his fiancée Charlotte Meares find their ultimate place in the sun. With up to two million pounds to spend, can Amanda score with her selection of luxury properties, or will she get the red card as Jermaine and Charlotte struggle to find the perfect pad? Throughout the show Amanda travels to Europe’s most exclusive destinations to see what two million pounds can buy in the hottest property markets around. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it!”

I’m not a fancy financial expert, but I somehow think that poor Charlotte Meares is no longer in the market for a £2million property, and this show is about as relevant as watching re-runs of lottery draws. Thanks for ruining TV, Danielle.

There’s no place for racist models on social networking site

We at The Spoiler spend a more-than-reasonable amount of time on Facebook, and I was recently invited to a new group by a model friend. The group is called ‘Charlotte over Danielle any day’, and it’s position in the WAG war between Charlotte Meares and Danielle Lloyd is clear: ‘Charlotte is better off away from that c*nt and his slag of a girlfriend,’ reads the group description.

A number of prominent models, who Dani may have once counted among her friends, have joined the group in support of Miss Meares, and in thorough condemnation of Jermaine Defoe and his new tolerance-impaired WAG. Even Charlotte herself has posted on the group, and the terms ‘back stabbin [sic] bitch’ and ‘absolute slosh pot’ are used liberally.

Check it out and show your lack of support for Danielle Lloyd by joining here. And if you can’t see the page, you’re not a Facebook member, which technically means you don’t exist.

Lloyd and Mears go toe-to-toe in Defoe’s luxury driveway

In a WAG-based recreation of the legendary scene in Dynasty where Alexis Colby and Krystal Carrington go loco in the grounds of a gorgeous stately home (found here in beautiful German for extra dramatic effect),

Racist WAG makes troops glad they are in a warzone

Morale in the Armed Forces is at an all-time low – troops are sick of fighting a war that no one wants, and they miss good ol’ Blighty.

The government needed a way of persuading the troops that they wouldn’t be better off at home, and a think tank devised a cunning way of reminding them it’s not all rosey in the Land of Hope and Glory. They shortlisted three people to send out to Iraq: a traffic warden, Ian Huntley and Danielle Lloyd*. ‘Full of Hate’ won the vote by a country mile, and was ‘secretly‘ shipped out to the warzone (so ‘secretly’ that the world’s press were reliably informed of her charitable deed) on Sunday.

The on/off Jermaine Defoe botherer, however, won’t be entertaining the troops (ie singing, dancing, showing some sort of talent), but will instead be ‘giving gifts’ to the squaddies.

Before jetting off, she said: “‘This is an amazing opportunity and I feel really privileged to be going to Iraq.”

The owner of Chinawhite may or may not have remarked: “Business has decreased 400 per cent in the past two days, we’re devastated.”

Jermaine Defoe didn’t add: “Thank f*ck she’s gone.”

*Dramatic recreation. Events may not have actually occured.