He’s not the messiah, he’s a very greedy boy

Hey, you love Jesus right? That’s because he was really cool about everything. But what if your nice beardy Jesus man had risen from the dead and returned to earth, livid and suing everyone - Judas, Peter, Herod, Buddha, Satan, Santa, everyone. Then where would your Christianity be? Yeah, exactly, you don’t know.

Which leads us seamlessly to Kevin Keegan, the Newcastle messiah, who is rumoured to be suing the club for £9 million in damages, sobbing about how he was unfairly dismissed, he didn’t want to sell Milner, it was all Llambias’ fault. Could his loyal apostles in the Toon Army really stand by him should he leave such a long smudge on the Newcastle history books?

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