Lampsie, JT and co are told not to make time for the fans

It’s the sort of thing that usually happens before the start of the season, but yesterday 8,000 Chelsea fans gathered at Stamford Bridge for an open day training session.

Such events are usually conducive to a positive and relaxed atmosphere, where lucky fans can get pictures and autographs with their heroes, who are not distracted by the pressure of a big matchday.

Not so at Chelsea. Supporters who made the effort yesterday were told over the tannoy system that the players would not sign anything, citing “safety concerns”. The club’s decision to protect their players from RSI and carpal tunnel syndrome was not well receieved:

After a 90-minute practice session

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Andrea Pirlo, Franck Ribery and Sergio Aguero to Chelsea
Chelsea have been searching all summer for what they call a “marquee name” and now The Daily Mail expect them to bring three in at once by spending £100 million on Pirlo, Ribery and Aguero.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: The Blues have been linked with Pirlo ever since Carlo Ancelotti’s appointment and that looks a reasonable possibility but Bayern Munich have said Ribery is no longer available and Aguero is supposedly happy to stay in Spain.

Joe Cole to Spurs
Obviously the arrival of two more midfielders would damage Cole’s chances of

Another tasty morsel of gossip from our friends at Popbitch

“Judas” Cole and the five grand wedding suits

Joe Cole bought a beautiful bespoke suit for his wedding. Unfortunately for Joe someone involved in stitching up his suit rather likes West Ham, the club Cole ditched to join Chelsea. He still had a bit of a grudge about Cole leaving the Hammers.

So it’s possible, if Joe was to look at the lining the jacket, that there might be a full West Ham insignia chalked on it, complete with a few choice words, several of which were “Judas”.

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NFL star Terrell Owens finds swimsuit model Joanna Krupa a pleasure to work with
[WithLeather]

Danijel Pranjic pays €700,000 of his own money to join Bayern Munich
[Dirty Tackle]

Chelsea may swap Didier Drogba for webcam fan Pat
[The Telegraph]

Joe Cole’s wife Carly Zucker defends her right to not contribute to society
[Kickette]

Florent Malouda signs a new contract
[Goal.com]

An Aussie rules player has been suspended for whipping his junk out live on TV
[SportsByBrooks]

Despite coming into contact with Paris Hilton, Cristiano Ronaldo has passed his Real Madrid medical
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Kaka, Henry and, er, Joe Cole will be joining Steve Nash in New York for this year’s Showdown in Chinatown. You can win an all-expenses paid trip to see them by entering this competition.

David Beckham invites you to the pants party
[Kickette]

Ronaldo could make his Real Madrid debut in Dublin
[Daily Mail]

Abbey Clancy attends an awards ceremony or something
[Epic Carnival]

With £80m in his pocket, Sir Alex has drawn up a shopping list
[The Guardian]

Aston Villa have their eye on Jermaine Jenas
[The Mirror]

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This goalkeeper shows us why it’s a bad idea to leave a shot that is heading for the crossbar
[The Offside]

Proof that Phil Neville still loves him some Manchester Utd
[Republik of Mancunia]

Violent moron Joey Barton has been suspended without pay until further notice
[Sky Sports]

Video: Denise Richards treats Baseball fans to her dulcet tones
[WithLeather]

A fan bites Cheryl Cole
[The Sun]

Classy pornstars attend El Clasico
[Dirty Tackle]

Cesc Fabregas belongs to Arsenal
[The Telegraph]

Joe Cole and Carly Zucker watch a cocky Mancunian get knocked out in Las Vegas
[Kickette]

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Our friends in America like to censor naughty language on national television. This Snakes On A Plane edit is almost unnoticeable

John Pantsil’s £10,000 cash bonus for marking Ronaldo raises eyebrows
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Video: Joe Cole’s insightful punditry
[Kickette]

Roque Santa Cruz won’t play for Blackburn again
[Daily Mail]

Sepp Blatter wants to get British MPs on board for his ridiculous plans
[Football365]

Aston Villa target Joleon Lescott & Micah Richards
[Goal.com]

Chelsea fancy themselves against 14-time world champion

When Big Phil Scolari joined Chelsea in the summer, he established a rapport with his squad by joining in with their second favourite game - darts. Despite never having played before, the World Cup winning manager showed a natural talent for it, and was only bettered by Joe Cole and John Terry.

The Chelsea squad even take their dart board to away games, and have become so confident that they fancy their chances against the most successful darts player of all time. A journalist friend of The Spoiler recently interviewed Phil Taylor, who revealed that he has accepted a challenge to face the entire Chelsea first team.

According to Taylor, JT is very passionate about his hobby, and even refers to himself as John ‘The Power’ Terry.