Try your hand at being Capello…

Now that the season is entering its final stages, very soon a giant magnifying glass will turn onto the players who may or may not make the England squad for South Africa.

For some, it’s a race against time - with physical and emotional injuries to repair - whilst others will be battling to hit top form between now and the campaign’s end. It’s all to play for, so now is s good a time as any to start with the predictions.

“Hey Capello! I’m your number one!”

Wayne Rooney aside, it’s hard to think of an England World Cup player who isn’t having - at best - a stuttering season, with regards to form or fitness. Or off-field sex scandals.

The defence has endured a shambolic time of it - the two main wing backs injured, one central defender patching up his private life, the new captain not having the best of seasons. The story is much the same in the midfield, with Stevie G enduring probably his worst campaign for years, Lennon screaming on the treatment table, and only Lampsie and Barry producing consistent - but not mind-blowing - football.

Oh, for another Banksy!

The debates about who should play where for England will rage with increasing ferocity over the coming months. Friends will fall out, young lovers will be forced to go their separate ways due to an inability to agree on the correct line-up of the starting midfield. Old women will write their grandchildren out of their wills for daring to suggest that Michael Owen might be worth another shot.

It’s going to be brutal, and from now until World Cup kick-off, The Spoiler will be presenting these problems, and starting the important discussions, with today’s centred on exactly who should be standing in between the sticks when England come face-to-face with the USA on 12th June.

The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable

As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!

GK - Joe Hart
(Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.

DF - Joleon Lescott
(Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.

DF - Kyle Naughton
(Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Stewart Downing to Aston Villa
The Spoiler assumed that replacing Martin Laursen and Gareth Barry would be Aston Villa’s priority right now but apparently not. The Daily Mail claim that Martin O’Neill is looking to thwart Spurs (and they sure will be heartbroken!) by signing Downing on a loan deal with an option to make the move permanent.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: This has to be nonsense. Villa have a lot of work to do this summer and bringing in someone who plays in the same position as their star player Ashley Young is surely not top of the agenda.

Joleon Lescott staying with Everton
The Daily Star report that Manchester City have been priced out of a move for

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Check out England Under-21 ‘keeper Joe Hart’s dance moves
[Off The Post]

Manchester United want to sign Iker Casillas from Real Madrid
[Daily Mail]

Carlos Tevez has decided he doesn’t want to join Liverpool
[Sky Sports]

Ashley Young will leave Aston Villa if they don’t spend big
[Guardian]

Marcel Desailly has tipped struggling France to win the World Cup
[Goal]

The ultimate gay pin-up in football right now is Wayne Rooney
[GQ Magazine]

England/ Czech Republic, Wednesday, 8pm, Free £30 bet here

England friendlies are nearly always dreadful, but that doesn’t stop the preemptive wave of excitement - even when they are inconveniently scheduled during the opening week of the season.

Capello’s squad selection for his final friendly before World Cup Qualifying was hardly inspiring: the Italian leant towards the same players again, with Ashley Young inexplicably absent and hints about Darren Bent’s inclusion coming to nothing. But of the players named in the squad, who deserves to start?

Here’s what we think:

Joe Hart
We know what David James can do so there’s no need for him to play and of Joe Hart and Paul Robinson, the former is more worthy of being given the chance. The Manchester City player made a quiet debut in the second half against Trinidad and Tobago in June, but a better judgement could be made if he plays a full match against stronger opposition.

Matthew Upson
The Spoiler would prefer to see Upson or Woodgate start in central defence alongside the new England captain to test some new partnerships but Capello is almost certain to go with Ferdinand and Terry together. So as we’ve all seen plenty of Cashley, why not try Upson on the left over Chelsea reserve Wayne Bridge to give England another option?

Rio Ferdinand
Hopefully the Man United defender will be leading

Today’s transfer gossip, as made up by the national press

When he isn’t pissing off Liverpool, growing face art or aggravating wealthy Americans, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez enjoys nothing more than having kitchenware modelled on the shape of his cranium. The image above is from Wikipedia, so it must be true - much like the following speculation from sports desks around the country:

Yossi Benayoun to Everton
Twelve months ago Benayoun pledged to sign a new deal at West Ham before mysteriously being provoked into a change of heart. It looks like he’s fed up at Anfield now, but is he bored of Merseyside?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Everton call it “fantasy”, we’re not so sure either

James Milner to Liverpool
Aston Villa want Milner, but because they’re not letting Liverpool steal Gareth Barry without a fight, Benitez is pretending he wants Milner to hike his price up. Rafa, you big bully.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be the next Jermaine Pennant

Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan
The Italian press say Adebayor has told Arsenal he wants to leave. Can you blame him? After all he scored 30 goals this season and still failed to win over certain factions of the Gunners faithful.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Believes he’ll stay put

Kaka to Chelsea
Do the maths. Brazilian managers must sign the best Brazilian players, right? Scolari played