The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable
As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!
GK - Joe Hart (Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.
DF - Joleon Lescott (Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.
DF - Kyle Naughton (Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.
The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies
Stewart Downing to Aston Villa The Spoiler assumed that replacing Martin Laursen and Gareth Barry would be Aston Villa’s priority right now but apparently not. The Daily Mail claim that Martin O’Neill is looking to thwart Spurs (and they sure will be heartbroken!) by signing Downing on a loan deal with an option to make the move permanent.
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: This has to be nonsense. Villa have a lot of work to do this summer and bringing in someone who plays in the same position as their star player Ashley Young is surely not top of the agenda.
Joleon Lescott staying with Everton
The Daily Star report that Manchester City have been priced out of a move for
England friendlies are nearly always dreadful, but that doesn’t stop the preemptive wave of excitement - even when they are inconveniently scheduled during the opening week of the season.
Capello’s squad selection for his final friendly before World Cup Qualifying was hardly inspiring: the Italian leant towards the same players again, with Ashley Young inexplicably absent and hints about Darren Bent’s inclusion coming to nothing. But of the players named in the squad, who deserves to start?
Here’s what we think:
Joe Hart
We know what David James can do so there’s no need for him to play and of Joe Hart and Paul Robinson, the former is more worthy of being given the chance. The Manchester City player made a quiet debut in the second half against Trinidad and Tobago in June, but a better judgement could be made if he plays a full match against stronger opposition.
Matthew Upson The Spoiler would prefer to see Upson or Woodgate start in central defence alongside the new England captain to test some new partnerships but Capello is almost certain to go with Ferdinand and Terry together. So as we’ve all seen plenty of Cashley, why not try Upson on the left over Chelsea reserve Wayne Bridge to give England another option?
Rio Ferdinand
Hopefully the Man United defender will be leading
Today’s transfer gossip, as made up by the national press
When he isn’t pissing off Liverpool, growing face art or aggravating wealthy Americans, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez enjoys nothing more than having kitchenware modelled on the shape of his cranium. The image above is from Wikipedia, so it must be true - much like the following speculation from sports desks around the country:
Yossi Benayoun to Everton
Twelve months ago Benayoun pledged to sign a new deal at West Ham before mysteriously being provoked into a change of heart. It looks like he’s fed up at Anfield now, but is he bored of Merseyside?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Everton call it “fantasy”, we’re not so sure either
James Milner to Liverpool
Aston Villa want Milner, but because they’re not letting Liverpool steal Gareth Barry without a fight, Benitez is pretending he wants Milner to hike his price up. Rafa, you big bully.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be the next Jermaine Pennant
Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan
The Italian press say Adebayor has told Arsenal he wants to leave. Can you blame him? After all he scored 30 goals this season and still failed to win over certain factions of the Gunners faithful.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Believes he’ll stay put
Kaka to Chelsea
Do the maths. Brazilian managers must sign the best Brazilian players, right? Scolari played
Citeh’s Thai revolution takes another bizarre twist
UPDATE: Shinawatra has denied the story. You win this time, common sense.
Unassisted by useful journalistic tools like evidence and quotations, The Daily Express today are claiming that Thai nutbag Thaksin Shinawatra has put the entire Manchester City team up for sale:
Thai billionaire Shinawatra, who is already set to sack manager Sven-Goran Eriksson, is apparently so disgusted with the team’s performances in the second half of the season that he wants a massive clear-out, including young stars such as Micah Richards, Michael Johnson and Joe Hart.
If this is true, what the Gary Mabbutt is he up to? It’s no secret
If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…
Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style - the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.
Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.
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