Toon would have spent £645,000 on Sunday’s abject performance

Championship football beckons for Newcastle United next season, but if Alan Shearer chooses to stay on (whatever happened to Joe Kinnear?), he could find himself lumbered with even more headaches off the pitch.

The Daily Mail have published their ideas on how much the Newcastle squad take home every week and it makes for some toe-curling reading (Xisco is on 50 grand a week…Xisco.)

The Magpies would be bottom if their Messiah was there all season

The charming table above displays the records of all four Newcastle bosses this season and reveals where the club would have finished over 38 games based on each manager’s points average during their spell in charge.

It makes grim reading for Alan Shearer, whose record is only better than caretaker Chris Hughton’s because he was in charge for one less game. The statistics also suggest that Newcastle were well on their way to safety before Joe Kinnear had to step aside.

So is Shearer the right man to guide the club through a summer of wheeling and dealing - where Iain Dowie is likely to be influential in deciding who arrives having managed in the division with three clubs - or should someone else be given the chance? Let us know with a vote and comment below:

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Alan Shearer will be offered a four-year contract
Joe Kinnear’s favourite journalist Simon Bird is reporting that Mike Ashley wants Alan Shearer to sign a four-year contract. The Geordie Messiah failed to pick up the six points from eight games needed to survive yet is still viewed as the ideal man to bring Newcastle back to the Premier League.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Ashley has pretty much botched every major decision he has had to make so it’s no surprise that he is willing to give an unproven manager a long-term deal just to appease the fans.

Franck Ribery to Manchester United
Patrice Evra has described his international teammate Franck Ribery as “the

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Surely this has got to be a poorly-timed April Fools’ prank

Newcastle are about to appoint Alan Shearer as manager until the end of the season, according to Sky Sports.

Doubts have been cast over whether Joe Kinnear is fit to fulfil all his managerial duties after undergoing heart surgery but Shearer has always been quick to dismiss speculation about him taking over in the past.

The Spoiler is still sceptical. Perhaps someone moved their clocks forward a few hours too many on Saturday night and got the timing of their wind-up wrong. Surely even Mike Ashley wouldn’t make such a risky and illogical decision and heighten Newcastle’s reputation as a laughing stock so close to April Fools’ Day.

UPDATE: BBC Sport’s news ticker now claims that they also understand Shearer is about to be appointed. Is this actually going to happen?

Eight reasons why Ian Wright’s bold prophecy won’t be realised

Ian Wright has stuck his neck on the line and predicted that Liverpool will win each of their remaining eight Premier League games to win the title this season. The Spoiler disagrees. Liverpool haven’t won eleven consecutive league matches in a season since 1982 and here’s why every single remaining game has banana-skin potential:

Fulham away - The Cottagers’ home form is the fourth-best in the Premier League and they have won two of their last three against Liverpool at Craven Cottage. They have already beaten Manchester United and Arsenal there this season and drew with Chelsea.

Blackburn home - Since Sam Allardyce succeeded Paul Ince, Blackburn have lost just four out of eighteen games.

Arsenal home - The Gunners are unbeaten in sixteen Premier League games and have yet to lose against fellow Big Four sides this season.

Hull away - Liverpool have drawn their last two away games against newly-promoted teams: Birmingham at the end of last season and Stoke in January.

Newcastle home - Joe Kinnear will be back in charge by then and

Click here to hear his interview on the day the Blades went down

If you type “Neil Warnock takes the blame” into Google, about 90% of the results are examples of the former Sheffield United manager passing the buck to either his players, the referee, an authority or the biased Southern media.

This week the Crystal Palace boss was again pointing the finger by claiming that he would still be a Premier League manager right now if it wasn’t for Carlos Tevez, meaning he should be entitled to compensation.

The Spoiler was certain though that at some point Warnock must have accepted that he and his team’s own shortcomings had led to their relegation and eventually we tracked down an acknowledgement of blame in his interview with BBC South Yorkshire on the final day of the 2006-07 season.

While you may require Real Player to listen, Warnock’s key comments were:

• “Everybody’s played their part this season in giving goals away and

  

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