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The Argentina/ Brazil game seems like a big deal
[The Offside]

Cristiano Ronaldo’s new favourite possession
[Dirty Tackle]

Follow us on Twitter - we’ve finally figured out how to use it
[Twitter]

Arsene Wenger proves he could have been an Oasis frontman
[Pies]

Joey Barton to be charged for ’simulating a footballer’
[NewsArse]

How to spot an East German
[ONTD]

Danielle Lloyd provides some inane banter to fill the gaps between pictures of her in her underwear
[The Sun]

West Ham’s latest set of accounts aren’t happy reading
[The Guardian]

Gareth Bale’s £13m Italian swap deal
[Caught Offside]

Spoiler promotion: Play Fantasy Football and win Champions League Final tickets!

Oxygen thief midfielder is still raking it in

The frequency with which Newcastle Utd give the rest of the country a new reason to point and laugh at them is increasing at an alarming rate. The Sunday Telegraph provide the latest ammunition against the Toon club, with the revelation that since June 2007, they have been paying £675,000 a year for the image rights of Joey Barton. Yes, that’s the image rights of a vile criminal who uses other players’ faces as ashtrays:

Barton’s image rights payments - which work out at roughly £13,000 a week - are believed to be at least £200,000 higher than those of his best paid team-mates. While most high profile players receive just over 10 per cent of their basic salary, Barton, whose contract runs until 2012, is paid just over 20 per cent.

When a player signs for a club he has two options. Either he seeks to profit from selling his own image rights, or he lets the club use his image in exch­ange for an annual payment. This payment goes into the player’s ‘image company’, many of which are based offshore. Almost all players opt for the latter.

In news that is even more depressing than the fact that Guy Ritchie is still allowed to make films after Revolver, it has emerged that Barton earned £143,000 in image rights while serving a six month stint in prison for an abhorrent attack on a teenager outside McDonalds. Happy Monday morning everyone!

[Sunday Telegraph via Dirty Tackle]

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Carlo Ancelotti shows his hidden talent
[101GG]

El Hadji Diouf wants to some across as even more of an arse, so he has bought a Gallas-esque chrome Mercedes
[Daily Mail]

Joey Barton must be pretty happy with how his life is turning out
[The Sun]

A Sydney FC player has been suspended over child sex allegations
[Off The Post]

Fergie dismisses the ‘Tevez could sign for free‘ theory
[The Telegraph]

Video: Someone needs some anger management
[Dirty Tackle]

The official World Cup 2010 song will be really good
[Pies]

Rafa is trying to find Jesus. Spanish attacking midfielder Jesus Fernandez, that is
[The Mirror]

WAG Danielle Lloyd makes her zillionth appearance in Nuts
[On205th]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Roman Pavlyuchenko back to Spartak Moscow
Pavlyuchenko insists he is happy at Spurs, but in light of the fact that Tottenham have been linked to every player under the sun for the past few months, rumours that he no longer has a future at The Lane are growing. According to The Daily Mail, a source at the striker’s former club says he would be welcome back on loan.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Guus Hiddink would certainly like to see his Russian star getting more games, and he has made his opinion about English food and women very clear, but it all depends if ‘Arry brings in some new faces in the summer.

Joey Barton to Bolton
If The Spoiler was in charge, vile oxygen thief Joey Barton would never be allowed near

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Joey Barton to Blackburn
Following his suspension, Newcastle are said to be “gathering evidence” against the violent moronic thug, suggesting his contract may be terminated. The Independent claim Sam Allardyce - who originally brought Barton to Newcastle - could give him his 4,056th second chance at Blackburn.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: We are stunned that anyone wants to employ such a waste of blood and organs, but Blackburn did bring in the Premiership’s second most vile player, El-Hadji Diouf.

Aly Cissokho to Tottenham
The talented 21-year-old Porto left-back is under contract until 2012, but

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This goalkeeper shows us why it’s a bad idea to leave a shot that is heading for the crossbar
[The Offside]

Proof that Phil Neville still loves him some Manchester Utd
[Republik of Mancunia]

Violent moron Joey Barton has been suspended without pay until further notice
[Sky Sports]

Video: Denise Richards treats Baseball fans to her dulcet tones
[WithLeather]

A fan bites Cheryl Cole
[The Sun]

Classy pornstars attend El Clasico
[Dirty Tackle]

Cesc Fabregas belongs to Arsenal
[The Telegraph]

Joe Cole and Carly Zucker watch a cocky Mancunian get knocked out in Las Vegas
[Kickette]

Newcastle star curbs his temper with the help of Ol’ Blue Eyes

After serving six months at Her Majesty’s pleasure, abhorrent criminal Joey Barton vowed to change his sickeningly violent ways. Amazingly, the moronic midfielder has fought the temptation to give into his demons lately, and it’s all down to the calming influence of a man who may or may not have been linked to the mafia. The Sun says:

SOCCER brute JOEY BARTON says he’s learning to curb his wild temper - by listening to FRANK SINATRA.

The Newcastle midfielder, 26 - who has served time for assault and been banned for hitting a team-mate - says: “It helps me relax. His music is so calming.”

Barton, on £63,000 a week, says classics like My Way “get me in a good rhythm before stepping on to the pitch”.

Blasting some Sinatra may help to quell the boiling anger within the injured star, but it clearly isn’t doing to much good in the Newcastle changing room. To find out if Barton will be swinging his way into the Championship next year, have a go at our Newcastle Relegation Predictor.

In times of financial hardship, footballers continue to keep the automotive industry afloat

Stephen Ireland may look like a prize muppet in his pink-wheeled 4×4, but he’s actually a trailblazer of Premier League automotive fashion. According to Nuts Magazine’s “Premiership Stars and their Cars 2009″ survey, the Range Rover Sport is the most popular of car among football’s elite. Drivers of the squirrel-squashing Chelsea tractor include John Terry, Steven Gerrard, Peter Crouch, Joey Barton and Xabi Alonso.

Here’s the top ten most popular cars in training ground car parks:

1 Range Rover Sport (£63,895)
2 BMW X5 (£53,465)
3 Porsche Cayenne (£76,760)
4 Aston Martin DB9 (£111,526)
5 Bentley Continental GT (£137,500)
6 Audi Q7 (£51,095)
7 Ferrari F430 (£135,685)
8 Mercedes SL65 AMG £151,101)
9 Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 (£151,101)
10 Cadillac Escalade (£50,100)

As you can see, the big trend is to have a huge gas-guzzling 4×4 - the type that will break down in the middle of the Tyne bridge.

Unsurprisingly, this beauty of a motor didn’t make the list.