While everyone else is out topless sunbathing, The Spoiler has been zooming about the undergrowth hunting for transfer rumours. Today this is what they’re saying:

Michael Owen to Everton
After Keegan’s inspirational speech about never becoming a top four team, it seems that Michael Owen is frantically searching for the Newcastle exit. So desperately that he’s been linked with the old enemy. Nice one Keegs.

Daniel Alves to Manchester United
United’s burly shaved gorillas in suits will be seething after Chelsea nabbed Boswinga while they were outside bumping chests and celebrating the contract. Their revenge will be creeping into Sevilla and bundling Alves onto the back of Sir Alex’s motorbike.