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Our friends in America like to censor naughty language on national television. This Snakes On A Plane edit is almost unnoticeable

John Pantsil’s £10,000 cash bonus for marking Ronaldo raises eyebrows
[Dirty Tackle]

Video: Joe Cole’s insightful punditry
[Kickette]

Roque Santa Cruz won’t play for Blackburn again
[Daily Mail]

Sepp Blatter wants to get British MPs on board for his ridiculous plans
[Football365]

Aston Villa target Joleon Lescott & Micah Richards
[Goal.com]

Without mentioning the fact they thought this was a good idea…

Fulham are the latest club hoping to make money from West Ham’s decision to compensate Sheffield United. According to The Independent. they will launch a legal claim on the basis that were it not for Carlos Tevez, they would have finished above the Hammers and would therefore have made an extra £700,000 in prize money.

Here are five flaws that The Spoiler has found in Fulham’s argument:

1) Fellow compensation-seeker Neil Warnock believes Fulham would have been relegated that season if Rafael Benitez hadn’t fielded reserves against them in the penultimate game of the season. Warnock has said since: “Maybe Rafa gets a yearly hamper from Harrods for his team selections.” That was Fulham’s only win from their final twelve games.

2) Carlos Tevez lasted only 13 minutes against them that season before getting injured at Craven Cottage. His replacement Bobby Zamora, West Ham’s top scorer that season, scored. Using Lord Griffiths magic calculator, it could be argued that the game may have finished 3-2 to the hosts had Zamora not replaced Tevez, a result which would have seen Fulham finish above West Ham

Fulham star gatecrashes the pants party

Another great spot by the MOTD2 gang.

[Off The Post]

Pantsil doesn’t enjoy first match against former club

Fulham’s John Pantsil earned cult hero status at West Ham last season and before moving west in search of regular football the Ghanaian was one of the only things that kept fans singing over the final few games as the club took their foot off the gas.

The scene was set today for a romantic reunion. Pantsil was one of four former Hammers in the Fulham team alongside Paul Konchesky, Jimmy Bullard and Bobby Zamora. He spoke in the matchday programme about never forgetting the way West Ham’s fans treated him and the away support responded with an enthusiastic cheer when his name was read out and a hearty rendition of their ironic chant: “he comes from Africa, he’s better than Kaka”

But the relationship turned sour late in the first half when Pantsil challenged for the ball after Robert Green palmed away a Bullard free-kick and followed through on the West Ham keeper. A large percentage of incensed fans began chanting “f*** off Pantsil” before demonstrating the childishness of their sudden turn with a chant of “we don’t like you any more” before booing him every time he touched the ball for the rest of the match.

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

The new season kicks off in just 37 days, yet most clubs are still scrambling about like headless Dirk Kuyts to complete their desired lineups. Cristiano and Frank are still putting us to sleep with their predicaments, so here’s what’s going on in the rest of Transferland…

Robinho to Chelsea
The main reason Robinho appears interested in Chelsea is to punish Real Madrid for using him as a bargaining chip in their attempts to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. His agent has claimed he is “better or equal to” Ronaldo, and Chelsea are eager to find out if that’s true.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Strong possibility that Scolari will be listening to excuses from the Brazilian man-o’-sex in the near future

Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal

Zenit’s labelled Arsene Wenger a “cunning fox” for questioning Arshavin’s ability to play three straight top-level games, saying it was a ploy to put off suitors. Arsenal are now favourites to sign him so it looks like their perception of Wenger was spot on.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would fit in perfectly but it depends on the price

David Villa latest
Rafael Benitez must be seen as an easy target in transfer negotiations given his willingness to be ripped off in his pursuit of Gareth Barry. That’s why Valencia priced up David Villa at £32 million, although