Chinawhite gets a visit from porn queen and drinking King
What better way to secure a place in the Champions League final than to party the night away with the world’s most famous porn star? That’s exactly what Salomon Kalou, Michael Essien and John Terry got up to last night, when they shared London hotspot Chinawhite with bongo legend Jenna Jameson. JT looked quite bleary eyed as he exited the club - the thought of his first Champions League final has obviously left him feeling a little over-emotional.
And who is the ‘drinking King’ referred to in the title, you ask? Well, that’s Ledley King of course - who is summoned to any social function by the faintest whiff
Then hire one of his many outstanding professional impersonators
I don’t know about you, but whenever I hold a social function they are always notable by the absence of shoddy celebrity lookalikes. I’m holding a small gathering next weekend, and I really need someone to spit at me, piss in a cup, park in a disabled bay and then shout drunken profanities at the rest of the guests until they collapse in tears, their spirits completely broken. The real John Terry has a prior engagement some football game or other, but fortunately fakefaces.co.uk have come through with three different JT lookalikes. I swear that I couldn’t pick the real Chelsea star out of a lineup with these masters of deception.
Sometime England skipper confirms priorities: 1) Me 2) My lunch 3) Everyone else
Running late for a leisurely lunch at Pizza Express, John Terry decided the empty 50p-an-hour car park was too much of a strain for a man who runs around for a living, so he did what any other self-absorbed ignorant fellow would do, and stuck his huge Bentley in a disabled bay.
It doesn’t matter that it’s against the law and potentially depriving a needy individual of access to local amentites, because the fine is only £60, a mere 0.04 per cent of JT’s weekly wage. And the Pollo ad Astra was GOOOOD.
Despite having a record rivalling that of The Special One, Chelsea fans are starting to hound Avram Grant, accusing him of not being able to handle big games or the demands (read: egos) of his star players.
The supporters’ unrest is mirrored at the training round, where JT and Henk Ten Cate exchanged handbag blows last week. Meanwhile, Princess Frank is far too delicate for all this arguing, and could scurry off to Spain at any moment. But who will leave first?
Now that Valentine’s Day has arrived, everyone is feeling romantic. And were you to ask even the most blinkered of modern young professionals, they’d tell you that true love can be expressed with flowers, with sweet chocolates, with gentle, understated lovemaking. The trick is to do something that the girl likes.
So give a sarcastic slow hand clap to John Terry for getting women all wrong in the run up to the official day of love. It all started so well with a trip to the pictures - a surprise that girls absolutely ADORE - but once inside, the woman on his arm (Toni Poole) was treated not to a hilarious romantic comedy starring her favourite hunk, nor a cute little Disney pic about a scared pony and a wisecracking ant (or something), but instead she was forced to
At his official showcasing at FA headquarters, Fabio Capello boasted (through a translator) that he will be able to speak English after just one month of
