Complete with kerrrazy foreign commentary!

Hull 1/ Tottenham 2

When Carlo Cudicini’s highly convincing impersonation of Heurelho Gomes helped cancel out Tottenham’s opening goal at the KC stadium, it looked as if the visitors would fall apart. Like they usually do. Fortunately for ‘Arry, Jonathan Woodgate leapt approximately 26 feet into the air to put away the winning header, putting Spurs a full five points clear of the drop.

[Video: 101GG]

The most regrettable transfers in Premier League history

It’s the January window, which means plenty of players are going to trade hands. Some clubs will end up paying far too much money for their new blood (Manchester City have already got the ball rolling on that one), while others will land a player who proves to be a bargain and a regrettable loss for their former employer. A classic example of the latter is Denis Law: Manchester United decided to let their second highest goal scorer of all time leave on a free to rivals City. Law only spent one year at City in his second spell before retiring, but his last goal came in the last game of the 1973-74 season against United. The red side of Manchester needed a win to stay up, but a Law back heel in a 1-0 win confirmed their place in the Second Division for the next season.

With this case study in mind, here’s the Premier League ‘Shouldn’t have let him go XI’…

Brad Friedel (Liverpool to Blackburn, 2000, free)
Friedel only managed 30 starts for Liverpool in three years before he was allowed to move on a free to Blackburn, after failing to displace Sander Westerveld. Since leaving Merseyside, Friedel has been one of the most consistent keepers in the league, while Liverpool have been through Westerveld, Dudek, Chris Kirkland, Pegguy Arphexad and Scott Carson, before settling with current shot stopper Pepe Reina.

Steve Finnan (Fulham to Liverpool, 2003, £3.5m)
Finnan was a key figure in the Cottagers side that won the Second Division and First Division and was a member of the PFA Team of the Year in his first season in the Premiership with them. He managed over 200 appearances for Fulham before moving to Liverpool and winning the League Cup, FA Cup and Champions League in his 5 years on Merseyside.

Jonathan Woodgate (Leeds to Newcastle, 2003, £9m)
In January 2001, Leeds were top of the Premiership. Two years later, they found themselves fighting a relegation battle. Then came the sales of Lee Bowyer, Robbie Fowler and their best defender, Woodgate - unsurprisingly their poor form continued. The following season Woodgate’s value to the team was all too evident when Roque Junior was brought in to fill the gap. Junior looked like he had money on a Leeds relegation as the club conceded 25 goals in the 7 games he played in.

Matthew Upson (Arsenal to Birmingham, 2003, £1m)
Upson only managed 20 league starts in nearly six years at Arsenal before he was sold for half the price they had previously paid for him. He excelled at Birmingam before a £6 million switch to West Ham, where his performances have been rewarded by a call up to the England team. Recent reports have suggested that following the uncertainty of the future of ex-captain William Gallas, Professor Wenger is keen to spend over £10m on bringing him back to Arsenal. If he does rejoin the club, maybe he’d have more luck starting if he changed his name to Mathieu Upsoné.

David Unsworth (Sheffield United to Wigan, 2007, free)
Mr Unsworth wasn’t the biggest success at Wigan - he only managed 10 games for the club. He did, however, manage to score the winning goal with a penalty in Wigan’s last game of the season to keep them in the Premier League. And the side who went down at Wigan’s expense? Sheffield United.

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No one guilty of passing the buck at White Hart Lane

Yesterday, Juande Ramos showed his willingness to take full responsibility for Tottenham’s current rubbishness, claiming the attitude of his players is still very good, and he is working hard to turn things around.

Today, however, Jonathan Woodgate threw a curveball into the arena of blame, by claiming it’s nothing to do with the Spaniard and everything to do with the players:

“The buck stops with the players.

“We’re bottom of the Premiership and it’s not nice at all. We’re hurting inside but we have to stand up and get ourselves out of this mess that we’ve got ourselves into.”

It’s great to see the players support the under-fire manager, although The Spoiler can’t help thinking they could do a lot more to support him on the pitch.

So, will we see Daniel Levy complete the circle of blame by accepting responsibility in tomorrow’s press?

Not bloody likely.

It’s not even lunchtime, everyone’s going transfer bonkers!

News has just filtered in that Tottenham - this morning’s early birds pecking feverishly away at the transfer window - have just snatched Vedran Corluka for a tidy little sum (rumoured to be around the £8 million mark). A right back or central defender, he should be set for a busy season watching King and Woodgate taking it in turns to run into the club infirmary, clutching a leg and sobbing wildly.

The versatile defender marked his intention to leave City by hurling his top into the crowd after the weekend’s game against Sunderland. Nice move.

Hide your faces in shame…

Ug, is there anything worse than having all of your dreams shattered? The short answer is, of course, no, no there isn’t. Yet every year we get all excited and start hailing new saviours for the England football team, here to finally banish a million years of pain. Players like Barnes, Collymore, Gareth Barry, Walcott.

These men came to us like mighty footballing Christs, then gave us nothing but salty tears.

Yeah, thanks a lot, guys. Here’s the worst of the bunch…

GK Chris Kirkland
When Kirkland joined Liverpool in 2001, people went mental, insisting that he was the future England keeper, and would be for hundreds of years to come. Then he kept getting injured, and now Capello has more faith in David James, an 86-year-old gentleman who Liverpool fans once derided for being totally rubbish.

DL Wayne Bridge
What a breath of fresh air Bridge was when he was careering up and down the flanks at Southampton. Some even suggested that he might be better than that hateful little toad, Ashley Cole. Unfortunately, even Wayne Bridge wasn’t buying that one, and he now spends his days earning money for doing nothing, which makes him a total loser/genius.

None of these men are the new Pele…

Everyone makes mistakes. After all, wasn’t it someone at Channel 4 who once thought it a delightful idea to lock a beautiful Indian woman in a room with a mob of angry racists? That didn’t quite work out as hoped. Other bad ideas have included - the quarter pounder WITHOUT cheese, fingerless gloves, blind chainsaw practice, and Davina McCall. All of those, however, pale in comparison to this little lot. Terrible decisions the lot of them.

GK Richard Wright
Looked so good when he was hurling himself around at the back for Ipwswich, but then he went to Arsenal and Everton, and proved beyond any reasonable doubt that he wasn’t a very good goalkeeper. Now, he’s not really wanted at West Ham, but everyone’s too scared to tell him. That’s what happens when you’re tall, people just whisper behind your back.

DL Wayne Bridge
That he’s been at Chelsea since 2003, happy to play second fiddle to the world’s second most irksome figure (behind Mugabe), Ashley Cole, tells you everything you need to know about Wayne Bridge. He doesn’t really want to play football.

DC Jonathan Woodgate
Real Madrid thought him worthy of £13.4 million, then he scored an own goal and got a red card on his debut. If anything, it’s been downhill from there. Made of balsa wood.

Visit a North London pub at any time during the week, and you’ll see two grown men ferociously bloodying one another’s noses, bellowing profanities about Tottenham and Arsenal. The debate as to which is better will rage until the end of time. Except in the Jonathan Woodgate house.