Today’s gossip rumours and damned lies

Sir Alex Ferguson is still refusing to rule out a move for Barcelona flop Thierry Henry, despite his comments in April that “Arsenal are the only English club” for him. Dimitar Berbatov still appears a more likely arrival, so perhaps the Thierry talk is Ferguson’s way of testing Spurs’ resistance.

Elsewhere in transferland…

Didier Drogba to stay
After spending a few weeks mulling things over while desperately waiting for phone calls from Barcelona and Milan, Drogba has kindly decided that it would be nice to continue playing for the club who pay his wages.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Nobody wants him so he has no choice

Justin Hoyte to Middlesbrough
Boro sent their chief international scout to

The Spoiler considers the footballing talent you rather see warm someone else’s bench next season

Much like when a hot girl comes for an interview at your place of work, the feeling of knowing a quality player could be joining your club is pretty uplifting. However, unless you support Manchester Utd, Chelsea or Arsenal, occasionally a player who provokes a combined feeling of fear, disappointment and mild anger will crop up on the rumour radar. Even Liverpool suffer a little from ropeytransferitis, with names like Stewart Downing and James Milner not exactly living up to last summer’s star signing Fernando Torres.

With this in mind, we decided to compile a list of the ten names most likely to make you choke on your Corn Flakes when the back pages associate them with your side. Let’s get things started with a couple of Frenchmen…

Djibril Cisse
The French striker flopped during his spell at Liverpool but that doesn’t stop him believing that we all love him, judging by his determination to return to the Premier League. We don’t Djibril, we don’t.

Lillian Thuram
Even Lil realises that he’s not that popular after being dumped by Barcelona and failing with France. “I would like to continue to play but I don’t know if a club wants me,” he said last week. Celtic and Rangers have been linked but Scots can rest easy as he now appears to be PSG-bound.

Justin Hoyte
Perfect proof that playing with some really good players once or twice a season doesn’t make you a really good player. Maybe Martin O’Neill thinks he could do a Bentley and flourish away from the Emirates, but his loan spell at Sunderland suggested that simply won’t happen.

Harry Kewell
The Socceroo was one of the most exciting players in the Premier League…five years ago. After a few years rotting in hospital beds and in Liverpool’s reserve team he is damaged goods. Thankfully it’s looking like he will take WAG Sheree Murphy off to Italy.

Stephen Carr
Kevin Keegan is happy playing

Fame whore with reality TV aspirations

If you are looking for an example of a person willing to exploit, humiliate and infuriate a Premier League footballer, look no further than today’s WAG of the Day, 29-year-old Jill Demirel. According to the News of the World, the Chigwell-based mum of two had a fling with Arsenal’s Justin Hoyte, and when he decided to put an end to their casual arrangement, she decided to ‘get him back’ by sleeping with Spurs’ Tom Huddlestone. Yeah, that’ll teach him.

If you want to see shameless Jill deliver her shudder-worthy story, click here and follow the video link.

Today’s transfer gossip, assessed and dissected just for you

Precious little Alex Hleb last month claimed his sensitive eardrums couldn’t handle the bustle of urban life in London, and he now seeks a more serene atmosphere. If the rumours of a move to Barcelona are true, however, he will find anything but the peace and quiet he seeks: in the Catalan city, honking at all hours is considered a national pastime, shouting is the preferred method of communication and the bars are completely full of loutish British stag parties every weekend. Enjoy the relative calm of London while you can, Alex.

Alex Hleb to Barcelona or maybe Bayern Munich
The honeymooning star has been linked with absolutely everyone in the past few weeks, even Rushden and Diamonds have a shot at landing him. His agent says: “The only transfer Alexander is making at the moment is from the hotel to the beach and back.”

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’ll be linked to AC or Roma tomorrow

Gareth Barry to Liverpool
Those Real Madrid-esque bullies, using Steven Gerrard as bait, have finally turned Barry’s head and the Villa captain has told his club he wants out. Liverpool are expected to up their offer today.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems likely now

Justin Hoyte to Aston Villa
A miserable day for Villa fans may get worse if they sign Arsenal’s other Englishman. You know, the guy that plays even less than Theo Walcott and sometimes gets in the Arsenal League Cup team.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If it gets any bleaker, O’Leary will be back!

Luis Felipe Scolari to Chelsea
“Big Phil” has revealed