If Wenger doesn’t need new defenders, then what does he need?
While Tottenham have got to work early and spent big on Luka Modric and Giovani dos Santos, Arsenal are still on the starting blocks, with the first sign of any transfer activity at the Emirates being quickly shot down by Arsene Wenger:
“I have been interested in Vincent Kompany ever since he was 16, but I am not interested in him this year. There is nobody I need for my team’s defensive department.”
Which of course prompts the question: what’s the point of tracking someone for six years if you have no intention to signing them? By acting much like a flirtatious girl who makes you believe she’s the one but who will quickly break your heart, perhaps Arsene is telling us he simply enjoys the thrill of the chase.
Anyway, Arsenal’s reticence to invest has spurred The Spoiler to consider where each London club needs to improve next season.
So we did a think and then gone wrote it down:
Chelsea
Top priority:
Flair players - Big Phil hasn’t just been brought to Chelsea to win trophies, he’s expected to bring some Brazilian flair to the job and make the Blues exciting to watch as well as being scarily efficient.
Fitting the bill: Ronaldinho, Kaka, Franck Ribery
Arsenal
Top priority:
Depth in midfield - Diarra then Flamini have gone, Hleb’s inconsistent, Rosicky’s injured, Gilberto’s past his best and Fabregas got tired last year so it’s clear that Arsenal need to bolster their midfield, and potentially bring in a new keeper.
Fitting the bill: Gareth Barry, Samir Nasri, Hatem Ben Arfa, Bastian Schweinsteiger
West Ham
Top priority:
New medical team/left-winger - Take away the dozen injuries West Ham had for most of last season and they’ve got perhaps the biggest squad in the league.
The left wing is a problem though: the fans turned on Boa Morte and he wants out while Etherington is always injured.
Fitting the bill: Stephen Hunt, Damien Duff, Pablo Aimar
Today’s transfer rumours, as made up to fill column inches in the nationals
Aside from the superteam that the papers are dreaming up at Chelsea, the other big news today comes from Spurs. Apparently Darren ‘purchase of the season’ Bent is looking for pastures new, and Roy Keane’s Sunderland could be the team to pay him £30k a week to finally get off the bench…
Heurelho Gomes to Tottenham
Gomes claims the proud honour of being the 571st goalkeeper linked with Spurs this summer. At this rate Paul Robinson will be starting the opening game.The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would be a good signing for Spurs
Darren Bent to Sunderland
Has anyone noticed how quiet things have grown on the Berbatov front? Instead it’s Darren Bent who is apparently the striker most eager to escape North London.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could depend Berbatov’s movements
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Deco likely, Robinho maybe, the others doubtful.
Marcus Bent to Hull
A day after The Spoiler highlighted one of the newly promoted clubs as the most likely location for that other striker called Bent, The Sun reports
Scolari wants every single big name player in the world, apparently
The newspapers should just ‘fess up and admit it - they haven’t a clue who which players Luiz Felipe Scolari would like to bring to Chelsea. Naturally, they have all assumed the Brazilian will want to load the squad with his fellow countrymen - The Sun fancy Ronaldinho to come for £20m and £120k a week (a damn site cheaper than the supposed Manchester City asking price), while The Guardian believe Kaka will be strolling over to West London, in exchange for a £60m slice of Abramovich’s bottomless kitty.
The Guardian also claims that Fernando Torres could become subject to Big Phil’s fiery temper next year - the unlikely move could ease Liverpool’s financial woes, but the Kop faithful would probably sooner burn a couple of Americans at the stake than let their prettyboy striker go. That said, the Spanish press linked him with a move to Chelsea over a month ago.
Not wanting to be left out in all the madness, middle England housewives’ favourite The Daily Mail have waded in by suggesting that Franck Ribery is also ‘flattered by their formal approach’.
Other players linked with the club since Scolari’s arrival include Barcelona’s Deco and Samuel Eto’o, and also Spurs target David Villa.
For a man who is currently engrossed in the process of winning a European Championships and has only been formally linked with Chelsea for two days, this seems like an awful lot of transfer inquiries.
So which rumours do you believe? Let us know who you think will be at The Bridge next season with a comment below.
Today’s transfer gossip, as made up by the national press
When he isn’t pissing off Liverpool, growing face art or aggravating wealthy Americans, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez enjoys nothing more than having kitchenware modelled on the shape of his cranium. The image above is from Wikipedia, so it must be true - much like the following speculation from sports desks around the country:
Yossi Benayoun to Everton
Twelve months ago Benayoun pledged to sign a new deal at West Ham before mysteriously being provoked into a change of heart. It looks like he’s fed up at Anfield now, but is he bored of Merseyside?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Everton call it “fantasy”, we’re not so sure either
James Milner to Liverpool
Aston Villa want Milner, but because they’re not letting Liverpool steal Gareth Barry without a fight, Benitez is pretending he wants Milner to hike his price up. Rafa, you big bully.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be the next Jermaine Pennant
Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan
The Italian press say Adebayor has told Arsenal he wants to leave. Can you blame him? After all he scored 30 goals this season and still failed to win over certain factions of the Gunners faithful.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Believes he’ll stay put
Kaka to Chelsea
Do the maths. Brazilian managers must sign the best Brazilian players, right? Scolari played
Only last week, Drogba was caught twittering about how great AC Milan are, alluding to a move, building them up like they were the best team since AC Milan in the 1980s. And yet, now, everyone has gone a little bit hushed.
All the big talk has been of Ronaldinho linking up with Kaka, Berbatov was on his way, some quarters had even thought it not out of the question that Messi would ply his electric wares at the club. Then at the weekend, they stuttered into fifth place in Serie A
Well the rain is back, for a moment there we almost forgot where we were. Seconds away from flowery necklaced women and silky hula music playing in the streets, probably. Just thank hecky we’ve still got football gossip and transfers to keep us all sweaty and uncomfortable.
Ronaldinho and Deco in exchange for Kaka
A couple of years ago, had anyone even thought about exchanging Ronaldinho for another player, teams of armed police would have been lining buildings within seconds, shouting through loud hailers to put the drugs down and step away from the vehicle. Sir, we said step AWAY! How times have changed. Now Barcelona can offer Ronaldinho and Deco for Kaka and no one even sniffs their breath for whiskey.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The rumour is that Barca are offering the two players and around £16 million. AC are unlikely to bite.
Andriy Shevchenko to Fenerbahce
After wowing English fans with his brilliance, Shevchenko may yet astonish the people of Turkey by taking his travelling football circus to Fenerbahce. Prepare to be dazzled, Turklings!
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Should AC Milan pass, Shevchenko needs to go somewhere. Not out of the question.
For those who missed Britain’s Got Talent at the weekend, the conclusion was that it doesn’t… got talent. No one new came along to wow the judges, and the only real positive was the body popping street urchin who made everyone erupt into spontaneous tears of euphoria last year. In a similar vein, it looks like Chelsea have stopped looking for new stars and just want Kaka or Messi - has Abramovich secretly put Cowell in charge of transfers?
Kaka to Chelsea
Milan moneyman Adriano Galliani’s bold declaration that it would take something stupid like £55 million to prize Kaka away was intended to stop people hassling him all the time. What he didn’t take into account is that Abramovich happily spends £55 million on breakfasting and yachts.
Richard Dunne to Newcastle
In his continuing quest to assemble a team which could have won the league in 1999, Keegan is apparently taking a serious look at Dunne - no doubt intending to play him in a defence consisting of him, Steve Howey, Jason McAteer, and Graeme Le Saux. Hey Kevin, you know who’s really good? Alan Shearer!
Gareth Barry to Arsenal
With the rumours heavily suggesting that Flamini is going to flounce off to Italy in the summer, the whisper is that Arsenal are going to challenge Liverpool and Chelsea for Barry’s affections. Which, of course, means that he’s off to Old Trafford to stare awkwardly at Carrick and Hargreaves in training.
In between lovely slices of mango and giant slurps of caffeine-free Diet Coke, The Spoiler has perused and foraged the transfers underworld, and these gems were lurking in the shrubbery. So to speak.
Tony Adams to Arsenal
Hey what’s wrong Arsene? Feeling a wee bit sensitive because your attacking team has problems defending? Oh stop weeping, man, just get Tony Adams in to help you out! (Or so it would seem, apparently).
Kaka OR Leo Messi to Chelsea
Clearly learning nothing whatsoever from the Shevchenko debacle, Roman Abramovich has apparently declared that this summer he wants to hurl around £100 million, preferably in the direction of Kaka, or Messi… or Pele… or Maradona…
