Real lose one game without C-Ron, go into complete meltdown
If there’s one thing the Spanish football press love more than those crazy upside down question marks, then it’s pouncing on an opportunity to shed doubt over the internal goings on Real Madrid. Today, there are plenty of stories to suggest that all is not well at the Bernabeu.
Up until last weekend, Los Blancos had enjoyed a 100 per cent record in La Liga, but this was brought to an abrupt end by Seville. AS tell us how Cristiano Ronaldo “suffered” while watching the game on TV, and Marca have taken the Portuguese star’s absence as an opportunity to run a hasty poll. According to their statistics, a whopping 58 per cent of Madridistas believe they have “Ronaldodependencia”, or rather an over-dependence on the Portuguese Man-o’-sex. A slightly rash conclusion, considering the season is six games old and cursed Ronny has missed only one of them.
Meanwhile,Sporthas revealed (unsubstantiated) details of a post-Seville handbags session between Karim Benzema and Manuel Pellegrini. Apparently, the notoriously outspoken Frenchman has already grown tired of being replaced in big games, and has expressed his disapproval of sharing attacking duties with 412-year-old legend Raul, as
Fit & Healthy striker knew he was second best from the outset
Until now, The Spoiler had assumed that Michael Owen fell off his horse/ out of his helicopter in paralysed shock when he first learned that Manchester Utd were interested in his signature.
The tiny striker, however, has now revealed details of the phone call from Sir Alex Ferguson, in which the red-faced Scot made it perfectly clear that in an ideal world he would be phoning a young Frenchman instead:
“The manager’s voice is pretty distinctive, so I knew it wasn’t a wind-up. He said, ‘We are looking for a striker. I’m going to be up front, we went for Benzema and once that was a no-go we looked around for players who are going to score goals. Obviously the big question is if you are fit, but if you are and we can get plenty of games, then words to the effect that it’s a no-brainer. Anyway, there’s no point in talking on the phone, we’ll chat about it tomorrow if you are free and fancy coming round.’
Los Blancos and Red Devils see off inferior opponents
Shamrock Rovers 0/ Real Madrid 1
Those who were expecting the world’s most expensive player to set the world alight on his Real Madrid debut were fairly disappointed. Cristiano Ronaldo plodded around for 45minutes before being subbed and admitting that he is “not yet 100 percent fit”. Los Blancos looked as if they would leave Dublin empty handed before Karim Benzema banged in a late one.
Malaysia XI 0/ Manchester Utd 2
The Red Devils were due to play an Indonesian All Star side last night, but in light of the hotel bomb attacks of last week, they ended up facing the exact same Malaysian XI they beat 3-2 at the weekend. Handsome devil Federico Macheda knocked in the first, and Michael Owen was able to take advantage of the laughable Malaysian defending by putting away his second in two games.
In lieu of actual people turning up, Los Blancos put up a makeshift 1950s crowd montage
After drawing in 50,000 madridistas for Kaka’s unveiling and a whopping 80,000 for Cristiano Ronaldo’s Bernabeu debut, the pressure was on Karim Benzema to put Spanish bums on seats at his initiation ceremony last night.
A fairly impressive 20,000 fans showed up - a reasonable figure in proportion to his transfer fee and status - but conniving Madrid officials tried to trick us into thinking the Bernabeu was packed out with this fake crowd backdrop. You may have fooled those with a black and white TV licence Florentino, but not The Spoiler. We went colour years ago.
When he was given the microphone, the young Frenchman revealed his excitement at playing at the club of his idols Zinedine Zidane and Ronaldo (presumably fat Ronaldo), and like the Portuguese man-o’-sex, signed off with a rousing “Hala Madrid!”
While Real Madrid have been busy signing Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka and co, the Big Four have so far captured Thomas Vermaelen, Ross Turnbull, Daniel Sturridge, Glen Johnson, Antonio Valencia and, probably, Michael Owen.
With all the big names heading over to Spain, the Premier League’s elite have been forced to adopt a different strategy this summer, as shown by the unusually high number of English players being bought.
The arrival of the galacticos has left plenty of talented players at Real Madrid looking for new clubs, some potentially capable of doing a job for one of the Premier League’s title challengers.
The Spoiler wants you to pick which one of the men reportedly made available by Florentino Perez last month would be your first choice. To avoid sitting on the fence, we’d probably go for Wesley Sneijder:
Could the former Liverpool striker be heading to Old Trafford?
If the bookmakers are to be believed, Manchester United could be on the verge of filling the Carlos Tevez sized gap in their squad with a striker who is sincere, clean & fresh and, most importantly of all, first class.
The Red Devils are now down to evens with Sky Bet to sign former Newcastle forward Michael Owen, having previously been available at 20/1.
Coincidentally, Karim Benzema’s move to Real Madrid prompted discussion in The Spoiler office yesterday about the possibility of Sir Alex Ferguson signing a domestic striker to play second fiddle to Wayne Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov next season. Unfortunately, as we were only factoring Premier League strikers into the equation, Owen slipped our mind.
Do you think there is any substance to the rumour or have there simply been some misguided bets placed this afternoon? If not Owen, are there any strikers playing in England who it might be worth United gambling on? Let us know your opinion with a comment below.
UPDATE: Owen is now 4/7 4/9 to join Manchester United.
French prankster intends to join the Florentino Perez revolution
A few weeks ago, Bayern Munich chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge was adamant that Franck Ribery would not leave the Bundesliga club this summer.
The handsome midfielder was present at Bayern’s first day of training yesterday, but French daily sport paper L’Equipe believe he used the opportunity to drop a bombshell on new manager Louis van Gaal. Apparently, Ribery has expressed an interest in joining his national team-mate Karim Benzema at Real Madrid:
[Translated from French]
Ribery told L’equipe of his desire to move elsewhere: “It’s decided, I want to leave.”
When asked whether he intended to move to Real Madrid, or whether it was another club he wanted to go to, he spontaneously replied: “Yes, it will be Real or nothing.”
Die Roten’s general manager Uli Hoeness was not surprised by Ribery’s attitude, reasoning that “Life is not always a fairytale.” The former German striker, however, made it clear that the club will do everything in their power
We’re not sure what kind of Vegas pool party Frank Lampard is attending, but he appears to approve of the female clothing ban
[Corriere dello Sport via Kickette]
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