City of Newcastle - what exactly have you done to offend the gods? The collapse of Northern Rock, dramatic storms, the arrival of feral cockney Dennis Wise to help undermine the football team, and now the government clamping down on automatic health care for the super-obese. Your Tyneside lifestyle really seems to have got someone’s goat. Then just this morning, chaos for commuters as a hotel burns down and guests are paraded into the rain and 70mph gales in their jimjams. How much more, O Lord, how much more? Well, possibly quite a lot more, actually. A study of the heavens reveals that even relegation is indicated, assuming there’s anything left of the north east by May to relegate, that is. It couldn’t happen, could it?

For the reasons why it could, click here