Meanwhile, elsewhere on the so-called “internet”…

Let’s all get in the mood with Sly Slick and Wicked… 

Theo’s woman Melanie Slade looking HOT!

[Kickette]

Anna Kournikova goes yachting

[via With Leather]

Deathproof outfits to get shot in

[The New York Times]

America’s answer to Gregory’s Girl, only real

[Machochip]

Meet the X Factor finalists

[Chickendinner]

Kevin Pietersen, pop star

[Polite Applause]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Tenuous link to sport alert: British gymnast Alison Carroll is the new Lara Croft
[On205th]

Video: All your efforts at parallel parking are about to be put to shame
[Grid Crasher]

Why KP could bring home the Ashes
[chickendinner]

China faked the firework display in the Olympic opening ceremony? Is that possible?
[WithLeather]

Ruud Gullit has quit the LA Galaxy
[BBC]

Manchester City insist they are ‘not in jeapardy’
[Football 365]

Pietersen shuns future leaders of industry in nightclub

Last night, South African-born England cricket captain Kevin Pietersen squired his lovely wife Jessica Taylor about foggy London town, accompanied by his brother and his respective ladyfriend. The double-daters enjoyed fine sustenance at Nobu Berkeley, and then decided it was time to throw some shapes on the dancefloor. They arrived at popular WAG hangout Mahiki, but left immediately when they discovered it was student night.

Why the hatred for the work-shy university layabouts, Kev? Does the prospect of hordes of financially impaired youngsters throwing up on your shoes while dressed up in comedy golfing attire bother you that much? Hmm, point taken.

Spoiler bonus: See more of Jessica and her love of falconry here

Tomorrow’s headlines today…

It’s official, we’re now living in a world where big tough guys like Brad Pitt are allowed to call their children Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, and English cricket will be globally represented by a young South African gentleman with shiny diamonds in his ears. The future feels weird. Here’s what you’ll be talking about tomorrow… whilst wearing futuristic jump suits with a guy called Zog.

Van Persie loves you
Robin van Persie isn’t used to having so much free time, what without having a painful injury to recover from, so he has filled the void by sharing his positive outlook with the world. When he gets injured, he turns it to his advantage: “I learned a lot in the last two years because I have been injured so much. I learned what my body can take and what it can’t, so it was an interesting period for me.”

And get this, he’s even really positive about his new positive outlook: “I just do not want to think about that negative stuff. If you think positive, you get positive.”

Is he on drugs?

Moyes is getting livid
Everton boss David Moyes has admitted that the club’s lack of progress in the transfer market isn’t anything to do with being satisfied with the players at his disposal, but is, indeed, a crisis.

While you were face down in a plate of sprouts, top stars were out making news…

While you were snoozing in the enormous armchair, your trousers damn near breaking thanks to nine helpings of stuffing, the world was still busy entertaining the wants of sportsmen and their wives. Here’s what we know about the last couple of weeks:

Crouch’s gorgeous girlfriend Abigail Clancy does her