Puck lovers down sticks for a tearful smooch

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

Eat your heart out, football genius!

We can’t emphasise this enough - The Spoiler knows more about women than is healthy. We can read signals, body language and tell-tale signs of inner fury like Columbo cracking a case. The tears, the sullen moods, the angry letters - these are all obvious unhappy signals, but before you even go there, look for the subtle stuff. Observe Nereida Gallardo.

She’s already been caught removing her bikini top, exposing her actual naked flesh to the world - her way of making Ronaldo livid. And now she’s been seen planting soft kisses on another gentleman’s face. To all the world it looks like the innocent beginnings of a new relationship, until you study it a little closer (below).

By the hunk’s expression, it’s obvious that he has no idea who she is, nor what the hell she is doing. He’s just trying to enjoy a hot afternoon pootling around on his water motorbike. The lady has gone totally bananas.

Watch your backs, people. Watch your backs.

Get another take on things at Kickette.

Typical, our great hope for the Australian Grand Prix zooms in to win, and then the whole day becomes a massive downer, thanks to a load of middle-aged clowns spoiling everyone’s head-rush.

Gene Simmons - he who has reportedly made the world’s most limp and monotonous sex tape - and his grown-up mates are still putting on face paints and doing that horrible tongue thing in front of crowds of (presumably) weeping children - even though they have over a thousand years between them!

But Kiss remember theirs

There’s only one way to look less manly than a group of gents who wear more makeup than Rooney’s favourite grotty old prostitute, and that’s to pose with them while they wear six inch heels.

In a genius bit of marketing that will raise the profile of F1 in the States, Kiss will be performing at the Australian Grand Prix this Sunday (chickendinner betting preview here). Personally, I won’t be watching - not because I can’t be bothered to stay up until ridiculous o’clock, but because Kiss just ain’t the same since Ace Frehley and Peter Criss left maaan. And Gene Simmons’ huge tongue unnerves me.

[Picture: Kiss Online]