Captive players aren’t making the most of their trip to the Far East

As men who are only obliged to work for a few hours each day, Manchester Utd’s star players are quite adept at finding ways to while away the hours - Rio Ferdinand spends most of his free time merking, Dimitar Berbatov sleeps until he needs a cigarette and Federico Macheda prowls the streets for ladies who are impressed by a seventeen year old in a sports car.

However, thanks to a combination of terrorism, poor weather and fanatical supporters, Fergie’s men have been confined like prisoners in their luxury hotel in Kuala Lumpur. The Telegraph reports:

Since their arrival last Friday, the United camp has been billeted on its own floor in the Mandarin Oriental, away from the supporters and autograph hunters who spend hours in the hotel lobby attempting to grab a glimpse of their idols.

It is a tale of DVD’s, iPods and sheer mind-numbing boredom for the majority of the players once they have done their training for the day.

Some are lucky enough to be selected

It’s referees with guns!

Referees who are looking for a way to deal with the recent spate of unsightly two-footed challenges should turn to their counterparts in Kuala Lumpur for inspiration.

In a heated match that took place two weeks ago, a referee attempted to control the game using the best method he knew how: he scurried to his car, retrieved a