Ask a modern footballer a simple question like “tea or coffee?”, and their reply is always the same: “just get me the most expensive one.” Nine times out of ten, that’ll be the coffee. Yet, by the looks of Cristiano Ronaldo at yesterday’s ESPY Awards in California, when it comes to crutches, you can just give him the nearest set. No diamonds encrusting the handles, no platinum tip - the guy didn’t even bother emblazoning his own name down the side! Begging the question: what the hell has happened to Ronaldo? Has he completely given up on life?
Elsewhere at the awards, Beckham could be found laughing hysterically at a tall lady (after the jump). Look at her, she’s huge! What is she? A basketball player or something?…. oh, apparently she is a basketball player. Called Candace Parker.
Pig lovin’ fame whore continues to profit from alleged tryst
The Beckhams never gave Rebecca Loos the dignity of denying the supposed relations she shared with a certain LA Galaxy star, so she has managed to stretch her 15 minutes of fame to just over four years and counting.
Here’s the world’s favourite pig-botherer giving an interview to Croatian TV show Red Carpet, in which she talks about the affair, her life since and various other things that absolutely no one should care about.
Spoiler bonus: If the drone of Rebecca’s voice didn’t make you want to pull your own ears off, then enjoy her attempt at a pop career here.
David Beckham is a man whose celebrity attracts an incredible amount of attention whenever he hits the streets, and some days he needs to slip around Los Angeles anonymously, so he may run errands and shield his children from the glare of the world’s media. Yesterday was not one of those days, as the LA Galaxy star took his brand new $407,000 Rolls Royce Drophead Coupe for a spin around Beverly Hills. A Roller is a classic choice for a distinguished gentleman, but no human being in the world could possibly look good in this bastardised Pimp My Ride version. His new toy only gets eleven miles to the gallon, meaning he’ll probably have to fill up by the time he reaches the end of his driveway.
See more pics of Lord Beckington squiring his younglings about town here.
Today’s transfer rumours, some more ridiculous than others
Despite possessing a questionable state of mental health, a low quality tabloid has linked the man who drunkenly gave me a tenner on my tenth birthday (true story) with a managerial job in the Philippines. Frankly, there’s a better chance of Jermain Defoe declaring a vow of abstinence, but the rest of today’s rumours have a little more substance…
Paul Gascoigne to the Phillippines
The seldom-reliable Daily Star claim that The Phillippines want to ‘rescue’ Gazza by making him the manager of their national team. There must be logic in that idea somewhere but we’re not going to bother guessing what it is.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Ludicrous idea if true
David Bentley to Everton
Bentley’s bold transfer request might not have panned out as he intended it to. It’s not Liverpool and Chelsea throwing pound notes at him to seduce him, it’s Aston Villa and Everton.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We still expect Chelsea to make a move
Ronaldinho to LA Galaxy
Forget about Barcelona, forget about Chelsea, hell, even forget about Manchester City. Despite only being 28, Ronaldinho
For all the doubters out there, you were right. The American “soccer” leagues are silly - not the robust, sensual, glitzy, angry matches everyone was expecting. Dynasty had given everyone the wrong impression of Americans, as it turns out. Below, a bored David Beckham hoofs a goal from his own half just to make a point.
