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Remember the good days, Phil Brown?

Guus Hiddink’s ridiculous spectacles!

[Dirty Tackle]

Oop, Gerrard could be in trouble

[Mirror Football]

That Marouane Chamakh has got some weird hair

[Kickette]

Landon Donovan bids farewell to Everton

[Caught Offside]

Leeds United get the army treatment

[Pies]

Neil Warnock funny stuff!

[The Guardian]

Landon, it’s been real

Anyone who has ever enjoyed/endured a long-term relationship will know all about that stirring moment when another man/woman dares to make sexy eyes at your bed partner. Your vision blurs, your brain starts swimming, and the feeling in your stomach, it’s not a flaming ball of rage, it’s actually a deep lustful rumbling. A rumbling that’s threatening to burst through your girdle, in a fit of emotional reawakening.

“Yes, they’re bloody beautiful!” you remind yourself.

And were it not for society’s stict code of conduct, you’d probably buy the pervert across the room a drink. He/she has unwittingly just saved your relationship. 

All of which leads extremely seamlessly to Landon Donovan, who has been reminding LA Galaxy exactly why they fell in love with him for the last couple of months, whilst breathing heavily in the muscular arms of Everton FC. He’s been great. But now they want him back.

Landon - not to be confused with a cockney saying “London”

Hollyoaks fans are probably still reeling over the news that ELEVEN characters are going to be wiped out by the new hatchet man in charge. And yet none of them appear to be “Tony” - he’s like a cockroach in a nuclear war. Were a bomb to hit Hollyoaks, Tony would still crawl out from under a rock to reveal that he’d been cushioned by a massive ciabatta.

He’s the new Ian Beale.

Anyway, over on the sports desk, the news has been flying in, and here’s what we know today, thanks to the likes of The Sun, The Telegraph, The Daily Mail etc…:

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Cheryl, locate your inner strength with the help of Jimmy Cliff!

Chelsea deserve to win the Champions League, says Drogba

[Daily Mail]

Capello not happy about all the England sex scandals

[Mirror Football]

Cheryl’s tattoo issues examined

[Kickette]

Everton fans set up Landon Donovan Facebook group

[Dirty Tackle]

Bobby Zamora - good enough for England?

[Pies]

Ashley and Cheryl under the microscope

[The Telegraph]

Bowyer, meet your new team mate

Yeah, load of games are getting cancelled, but do you want to know what kind of people never abandon their work stations, not even for a second? Journalists. Especially sports journalists writing about transfers for papers like The Telegraph, The Mirror, The Guardian. Here’s what we’ve gathered from these heroes today: 

Most people are still just getting used to the original Javier Mascherano, and now the word on the street is that Birmingham have just landed a newer version of the player. Namely Michel, a young Spaniard who they signed today from Sporting Gijon. He set them back £3 million, which still leaves a cool £37 million in the kitty.

“We’re outta here!”

It’s a tale of two cities up in Merseyside, as Everton look set to bag the LA Galaxy star Landon Donovan. The deal is said to be similar to the one that allows Beckham to flit between LA and AC Milan.

The only difference being that one move involves teaming up with Pirlo, Seedorf and Ronaldinho. Whilst the other means sharing a dressing room with a snarling Phil Neville in the build-up to a big game.

Over on the rather more red side of town, Liverpool fans might be frightened to note that Mascherano hasn’t completely dismissed the idea of pulling on Barcelona colours this season. In that he has neither confirmed, nor denied the rumours. This from the Daily Mail:

“I just talk about football - not about contracts or money.”

Oh dear.

And in further Barcelona news, Man City’s most grumpy Brazilian winger might yet fail in his jailbreak attempt, after it transpired that Man City are reluctant to sell Robinho off unless they can get a David Villa-shaped replacement, so Barcelona will probably go for David Silva instead.

Gutted.

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An incredible Zep performance from one of The Spoiler’s favourite DVDs, and a fitting tribute to the legendary Les Paul, who died yesterday

After failing to persuade Cesc Fabregas to force a transfer, Barcelona now want Emmanuel Eboue. Which is a bit like failing to buy a Maserati and getting a 1986 Ford Escort instead
[Daily Mail]

The top ten football iPhone apps
[t3.com]

Landon Donovan and David Beckham better stop kissing and making up, as the American has swine flu
[Deadspin]

Aquilani will be worth the wait, says Aquilani
[The Guardian]

Fernando Torres has signed a new contract to keep him at Anfield until 2013
[The Telegraph]

Michela Quattrociocche is an excellent addition to the Premier League’s WAG roster for 2009/10
[Metro]

Americans show their (lack of) appreciation for want-away star

New York Red Bulls 1/ LA Galaxy 3
When David Beckham first played at New York’s Giants Stadium in 2007, an impressive 66,237 soccerball lovers turned up to see what the fuss was all about. Two years on, and just 23,238 turned up at the huge arena to welcome the England star on his return to the MLS.

As expected, large portions of the dwindled home crowd booed the returning star (well, either that or they were saying “BOOOOECKHAM!” in some sort of bizarre New Jersey accent), and it is quite audible in the video above during his 70th minute substitution.

Aside from a couple of good long range goals and some piss poor defending MLS-style defending, our favourite part of this video is the commentator’s reaction to Landon Donovan’s strike - skip to [1.53] to hear a completely non ironic “EEAAAYYEEEEEESSSS!”

[Video: 101GG]