Looks like Saturday’s man of the match is off to Spurs after all 

And this year, the prize for the most confusing Premier League player goes to Lassana Diara - well done, you can now join the hallowed ranks of Cantona, Robert - actually, just anyone French - and probably Le Saux (French surname).

The Spoiler has long since speculated that he’s simply a gap year student doing a spot of traveling, while others insist that he might actually be the biggest oversight in Arsene Wenger’s splendid managerial career, and Chelsea were equally stupid to let him go after just thirteen appearances - often using him as a right back. This summer, Abramovich, just buy one.

The plot further thickened at the weekend, when Tony Adams - now switched from booze to joss sticks - freaked everyone out by saying: “Portsmouth needs to come up to his standards, can the club do that?”