Expect this one to be doing the rounds soon…

Correspondence recently unearthed from Grimsby Town’s mailbox (allegedly):

Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC,

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do.

I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

Unemployed manager tries to talk his way into the Parkhead post

You’d think someone who relegated Wycombe and was ready to do the same with Portsmouth would struggle to land a League Two job* but Tony Adams frightened Celtic fans today by claiming he could succeed Gordon Strachan.

The legendary defender said he had been recommended by popular former boss Wim Jansen, who he worked with at Feyenoord. Despite not even applying, he seemed to expect to be considered ahead of candidates like Roberto Martinez, whose Swansea side knocked him out of the FA Cup.

In an attempt to explain why the job appealed to him, Adams didn’t offer the

All the latest gossip compiled in one handy list

(Photo Credit: Owen Humphreys/PA Wire)

The least shocking of this morning’s revelations is that “friends” of Sam Allardyce have confirmed that he is interested in the Sunderland job. Considering these “friends” have already told the press that he would be interested in managing Blackburn, Portsmouth and his local corner shop (probably), it should now go without saying that will take any job he can get.

Gallas: I feel humiliated
That’s the headline in today’s Sun for a story where a close relative of William Gallas (his aunt’s stepson’s second cousin?) revealed that he has no friends at Arsenal, feels humiliated and hopes to join Milan in January.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Arsenal can’t afford to lose their best centre-back unless there’s a replacement lined up

Fowler decides to stay at Blackburn