Spurs talisman may call time on his career, for his own good…

It was all smiles around White Hart Lane this Saturday, as Heurelho Gomes‘ heroics and a wanky penner from derided ex-Spur Darren Bent propelled Tottenham to 4th spot, after a 2-0 victory against Sunderland. However, not everything went to plan for Harry Redknapp’s men - vice-captain Ledley King was subbed, through injury, 10 mins after the restart.

So far this season King has only played a full 90 minutes five times in eight league games, despite his infamous ultra-low intensity training sessions. Contract up for renewal in the summer, the Spurs backroom have a genuine dilemma on their hands as to whether the defender should stay on - and the cons are stacked against him.

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Spurs captain slays the dragon named Dignity

In the early hours of Sunday morning, professional sportsman Ledley King saw fit to launch an alleged alcohol-fuelled racist attack on a nightclub bouncer. For his troubles, he spent a night in a police cell, where, according to sources, he continued to proclaim his superiority over the rest of humanity through tearful eyes:

The drunk Spurs captain “cried and sobbed” in a police cell after trying in vain to get officers to let him go, it was said.

Two men being dealt with at the same station said the star alternately ranted and pleaded with the cops, bragging that he earned £83,000 a week.

They claimed the England ace - arrested after a nightclub row - shouted at the sergeant: “Boss man, boss man, I don’t deserve to be here - I’m rich.”

“Boss man”? Was Ledley locked up on the Green Mile or something?

One of the witnesses was also keen to stress that the Tottenham star lost control of his bodily functions

Coming to a pub conversation near you…

Q: What is the difference between Ledley King and Arsenal?

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Mum not impressed by your petrol station flowers last Sunday? Why not send her the video above to show you care

Interestment’s Football XI No. 4
[Interestment]

Shock of the century: Ledley King misses an England training session
[The Guardian]

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[Twitter]

Brazilian footballer forced to play in a dress
[Unprofessional Foul]

Harry Redknapp has been to Italy to look at a Genoa striker
[Caught Offside]

Leaked photos of England’s new kit
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‘Pathetic’ Mourinho endears himself to Italian managers once again
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Perennially injured defender makes Mr Capello’s cut

Everton’s Leighton Baines and Manchester Utd’s Ben Foster made the cut in Fabio’s squad for the England friendly against Slovakia on Saturday and World Cup qualifier against the Ukraine next Wednesday, but the biggest shock came in the inclusion of Ledley King.

We at The Spoiler are inclined to disagree with the selection of the man who believes Spurs can challenge the Big Four next season. Here’s some terribly constructive reasons why:

1. There are already five other centre-backs in the squad whereas there is only one recognised right-back. Therefore it would have made more sense to include another full-back like Luke Young.

2. Ledley King is supposedly incapable of playing two matches in a week, which means he won’t be much use at the World Cup.

3. Harry Redknapp said that King doesn’t even train between Monday and Friday at Spurs because of his problems. So either there won’t be much chance for the coaches to assess King in training, or he will get heavily involved in training and risk an injury that could jeopardise Spurs’ European hopes.

4. There is a perfectly fit and in-form Spurs centre-back who has been ignored in favour of King - Jonathan Woodgate.

5. England perform better when Matthew Upson plays, meaning he should be comfortably established as Capello’s third-choice. The West Ham defender’s England win percentage is 77% compared to King’s 58%*.

*We may or may not have been scrapping the barrel a bit for reason number five.

[See the full squad here]

Centre back posseses hilarious delusions of grandeur

In life, there are only three certainties: death, taxes and the Tottenham fans’ unfaltering belief that next season will “be their season.”

Club captain Ledley King has started building false hope at the club, by claiming Spurs can challenge the Big Four next season. He has told The Daily Mail a fifth place finish is within their capabilities:

‘With the players we have, I don’t see why we can’t do that. We haven’t lost to Manchester United, Liverpool or Chelsea in the League this season.

‘That proves we can compete and perform, it is just the consistency. If we can get consistency, win games and pick up points away from home on a regular basis, we can be a top side.’

Can Tottenham seriously bounce back from a season of flirting with relegation to challenge the Big Four next term? Frankly, we think there’s more chance of Carlos Tevez winning a beauty contest, but let us know what you think below….

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POW! Right in the kisser!
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Harry Redknapp runs an alcohol-free club - bad news for Ledley King
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