None of these men are the new Pele…

Everyone makes mistakes. After all, wasn’t it someone at Channel 4 who once thought it a delightful idea to lock a beautiful Indian woman in a room with a mob of angry racists? That didn’t quite work out as hoped. Other bad ideas have included - the quarter pounder WITHOUT cheese, fingerless gloves, blind chainsaw practice, and Davina McCall. All of those, however, pale in comparison to this little lot. Terrible decisions the lot of them.

GK Richard Wright
Looked so good when he was hurling himself around at the back for Ipwswich, but then he went to Arsenal and Everton, and proved beyond any reasonable doubt that he wasn’t a very good goalkeeper. Now, he’s not really wanted at West Ham, but everyone’s too scared to tell him. That’s what happens when you’re tall, people just whisper behind your back.

DL Wayne Bridge
That he’s been at Chelsea since 2003, happy to play second fiddle to the world’s second most irksome figure (behind Mugabe), Ashley Cole, tells you everything you need to know about Wayne Bridge. He doesn’t really want to play football.

DC Jonathan Woodgate
Real Madrid thought him worthy of £13.4 million, then he scored an own goal and got a red card on his debut. If anything, it’s been downhill from there. Made of balsa wood.

Chinawhite gets a visit from porn queen and drinking King

What better way to secure a place in the Champions League final than to party the night away with the world’s most famous porn star? That’s exactly what Salomon Kalou, Michael Essien and John Terry got up to last night, when they shared London hotspot Chinawhite with bongo legend Jenna Jameson. JT looked quite bleary eyed as he exited the club - the thought of his first Champions League final has obviously left him feeling a little over-emotional.

And who is the ‘drinking King’ referred to in the title, you ask? Well, that’s Ledley King of course - who is summoned to any social function by the faintest whiff

People have been doing some serious big talking over the weekend - Jose to Inter, Frank to Inter, Didier to Inter. But, worry not, not everyone is off to Inter. Phil Neville, for example, will probably stay at Everton. And these guys all have one thing in common: they’ re all not going to Inter… yet.

Ashley Young to Chelsea
Time has come to accept that the Shaun Wright-Phillips experiment just isn’t working - he arrived small, quick and unable to pass properly, he will leave small, quick, and unable to pass properly. Only with a bit less confidence. So good work Chelsea. Next on their list of bright young talents to destroy is Aston Villa’s speedster Ashley Young. Don’t do it Ashley!

Steven Gerrard to Chelsea
With Frank Lampard set to resume his sensual love affair with Jose Mourinho, this time with a dreamy Italian backdrop, the Chelsea money may again be hurled into Steven Gerrard’s frowning face. With a couple of their top earners off the squad, Abramovich might even shatter payment records. Don’t do it, Stevie!

With Berbatov bound for the exit, it looks like Ledley King - aka. Mr Tottenham - could be joining him.

The feeling is that Ramos is going to spend the summer refashioning the team that he inherited from Martin Jol. Rumours have been flying around that Lennon, Huddlestone and Jenas will all be surplus to requirements at the new look Spurs, and now, by not confirming King as next season’s skipper, it looks like the Ramos overhaul is going to be even more gigantic than expected.

And who could blame him?

Mr King celebrates the Carling win Essex-style

Despite instilling a strict dietary regime on his Spurs team, Juande Ramos sent his victorious lot off for a calorific tipple following yesterday’s Carling Cup win. Like flies to a closed window, booze-hungry Premier League stars including Jonathan Woodgate, Alan Hutton, Steed Malbranque, Aaron Lennon, Jermaine Jenas and Ledley King were drawn to Faces nightclub in Essex.

Carling Cup finalists celebrate with ex-WAGs and a little too much drink

Last night Chelsea managed to join Spurs in the Carling Cup semi-final, and players from both teams joined forces with a celebratory night out at London’s Chinawhite. Pictured above is Jermain Defoe, who has no problem with wearing a baseball cap in a nightclub, or sharing a cab with a lady who looks like she charges by the hour.

Jermain’s WAG Danielle Lloyd was noticeably