The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable
As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!
GK - Joe Hart (Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.
DF - Joleon Lescott (Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.
DF - Kyle Naughton (Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.
Tis the season for sportsmen all over the country to behave like idiots
Great, it’s Christmas, everyone will be full of cheer. The only downer is that when the free grog is flowing, easily-led sportsmen tend to come unstuck and morph into animals. Welcome to shaming season - Henson, Pizarro and Cattermole are up first.
The Accused: Gavin Henson (rugby player)
The Crime: Boarding a train from Reading to Wales with three of his gruesome rugger mates and horrifying fellow passengers (including tiny little children) with blue language and outrageous antics. Antics that included thumping each other, spewing all over the place, then weeing in a carriage. The final outrage came when Henson called a special needs teacher a “fat cunt”.
The Spoiler Verdict: An utterly loathesome rugby oik, such obnoxious behaviour should see him chained to rocks and punched in the face by the offended children. As things stand, his club apologised instead.
The Accused: Claudio Pizarro (footballer)
The Crime: Allegedly the Peru skipper/ Chelsea sub spent an evening in a luxury South American hotel, Las Inkas, making passionate sex with prostitutes whilst extremely high on alcohol. This came but days before his side was thrashed 5-1 by the little people of Ecuador.
The Spoiler Verdict: Perhaps Pizarro is spending too much time with Coley and JT over at Chelsea? He could do with having a night in with the quieter/more mature players, like Makelele. His national coach says that if it’s true he won’t be playing for Peru ever again.
The Accused: Lee Cattermole (footballer)
The Crime:The Sun reports that Middlesbrough midfield thug Cattermole is facing a three-year ban from his favourite pubs in Yarm, Teeside, after him and his mates spent an entire day smashed out of their brains, being sickeningly abusive to anyone within earshot. He managed to get thrown out of four pubs in one day.
The Spoiler Verdict: Cleveland Police took it upon themselves to have a strong word with the 19-year-old thug. The Spoiler would advise a harder line - cut off his hands!
Loading ...