The Potters dedicate their entire website to their new winger

Looking at the homepage to Stoke’s official site you’d be forgiven for thinking they had signed Leo Messi rather than Matthew Etherington. The Potters have only just confirmed the capture of the West Ham winger for an undisclosed fee but they already have six separate stories dedicated to their “star” signing.

Unsurprisingly, Etherington’s departure isn’t the top story on West Ham’s website, with the rather more pressing concern of the thousandth inquiry into Carlos Tevez’ season in East London taking precedence.

The FA and Premier League have announced that they will investigate the most recent tribunal’s verdict that West Ham misled the Premier League to get permission to play Tevez in the final three matches of the season. It’s been almost four months since the tribunal findings became public knowledge so you have to question why it has taken them so long to come to this decision to investigate and whether it is fair to announce it in the middle of the transfer window, when it is bound to unsettle some of West Ham’s stars.

Could it be that the FA and Premier League are desperate to finally clarify the third-party ownership rules in case a certain Argentine striker becomes available in the summer? Tell us what you think with a comment below.

Has C-Ron got it all wrapped up?

Yesterday, the 23-man shortlist for the 2008 FIFA World Player of the Year Award was announced, and no fewer than ten Premier League players made the cut. After his superb performance last night, Big Phil Scolari is hailing Frank Lampard as the world’s best player, but he will face stiff competition from self-professed King of the Universe Cristiano Ronaldo, who has received the backing of last year’s runner up Lionel Messi.

Here’s the full shortlist for the award, which will be presented on January 12 in Zurich: Emmanuel Adebayor, Sergio Agüero, Andrei Arshavin, Michael Ballack, Gianluigi Buffon, Iker Casillas, Deco, Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto’o, Cesc Fábregas, Steven Gerrard, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Andrés Iniesta, Kaká, Frank Lampard, Lionel Messi, Franck Ribéry, Cristiano Ronaldo, John Terry, Fernando Torres, Ruud van Nistelrooy, David Villa, Xavi.

Do you think the petulant Portuguese deseerves to scoop the prize? Let us know who you’d pick from the shortlist with a vote and comment below…

Argentinean legend allowed to coach despite bad book keeping

If a person wishes to become a club director in English football, they must pass a Fit and Proper Persons Test, as stipulated by the FA. Following the decision that Diego Maradona will be put in charge of the Argentinean national side from December, the AFA must be thankful that FIFA do not impose guidelines of a similar nature. We are all aware of the former midfielder’s cheating, doping offences, mental health issues and battles with hard drugs, yet there are some other reasons why it is troubling for Diego and his Godly hand to represent Argentinean football at a managerial level.

Maradona may be extremely passionate about his country, yet he is not the greatest international diplomatist - the man who has tattoos of Castro and Che Guevara was quoted last year as saying: “I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength.”

Of course, it’s not unusual to dislike America, but what’s more troubling is his disinterest in paying taxes. It was revealed this week that Maradona still owes the Italian government €36m, an outstanding tax bill from his seven years at Napoli. So far, he

Prepare to go “no waaaaaay!”

Everyone knows how brilliant Messi is, but it turns out that even as a small baby toddler he was amazing too. Above is a video of him destroying the opposition whilst casually sporting some kind of peasant tunic. In a fantastic twist of fashion, he makes it look quite cool, much in the same way that he carries the name Lionel - usually reserved for blabbering geriatrics - and somehow makes it sound like a young man’s name. Even though it isn’t.

[The Offside]

Things flare up over in Spain

Barcelona fans were none too happy with being a goal down at Steve Finnan’s side Espanyol this weekend, so they had to pull something out of the bag to encourage their team. Instead of producing a rousing chant, they took the classic ‘throw flares at the home fans and get the game stopped for eight minutes approach’. It was a cunning move, as Barca won the match 2-1 courtesy of a 103rd minute (!) effort from Leo Messi.

[Unprofessional Foul]

Handsomely-impaired striker wants to be more like Beckham et al

Despite the new season being just over a week away, there is relatively little exciting news going on in the mainstream press. Accordingly, The Sun today ran a full page detailing how Carlos Tevez is convinced he could be an underwear model like David Beckham and Freddie Ljunberg, but admits he is let down by the fact that he looks like a big wet dog. Is this story really worthy of our attention? Couldn’t anybody be an underwear model if they, well, looked like an underwear model?

The best part of the non-story, however, is the weak grasp Carlos Tevez holds on what it takes to advertise pants in a homoerotic nature:

“I don’t have the same marketable image as a Ronaldo or a Lionel Messi.”

Yes, you read that correctly, he aspires to look like countryman Leo Messi, the same gentleman whose sexy poses made this ‘lingerie’ look less appealing than a night out with Craig Bellamy.

Barcelona star should probably stick to the dayjob

When underwear manufacturers select a spokesperson and model from the world of football, they usually side with someone whose good looks and chiselled features best highlight their product. The Adonis-like bodies of David Beckham and Freddie Ljungberg are fine examples of this slightly homoerotic marketing technique.

Argentinean underwear producers Lody have not quite understood this principle, and have attempted to cut into the Calvin Klein/ Armani market share by employing the services of Leo Messi, a man whose face makes young children cry. Something tells me the slouch pose and baggy t-shirt combo will probably not have the punters rushing to emulate the greasy-haired forward. And is it me, or does it look like he’s been wearing those pants for about four days?

Still, he’s obviously doing something right, as he’s managed to land himself a Playboy model.

More slightly disturbing images after the jump.

Admit it, you’ve always wanted to do this

Take a look at the members of any ten pin bowling league, and you’ll see a healthy mixture of geriatrics and walking cardiac arrests. Leo Messi and Xavi’s take on the lazy man’s sport may not be particularly successful (they don’t seem to get anything approaching a strike) but it’s certainly more athletic than throwing a big rock and drinking six pints of bitter.

Spoiler bonus: The bowling clip came from the handsome devils at Pies, who have also found footage of Deco and Cristiano Ronaldo playing football tennis. Watch it after the break…