Smile Wayne, it might never happen. Oh wait, it will

Faced with the prospect of settling down with a woman who will no doubt curb his appetite for geriatric ladies of the night, Wayne Rooney is positively beaming with enthusiasm on his Ibiza stag do.

This isn’t an example of Rooney being caught off guard by an opportunist pap - the picture agencies have a wide range of shots available from Rooney’s night out at Lineker’s Bar (how apt), all of which show him looking more depressed than a Hull fan without a season ticket.