While Steven Gerrard can be found whimpering on the streets of Liverpool, seriously disgruntled because his club won’t spend enough money on new friends for him, over in the AC quarter of Milan, rumour would suggest that money is swilling around like expensive sparkling wine in a Jermain Defoe bathtub.
Starting from the back, the Italian giants have been linked with Chelsea’s bemasked goal stopper Petr Cech - supposedly the planet’s most beguiling keeper. In front of him, they’re looking to poach France’s Willy Sagnol from Bayern Munich, as well as the Italian crowd pleaser Gianluca Zambrotta, who used to ply his wares so well at Juve before morphing into a less convincing wingback at Barcelona.
If you’re reading this on Thursday morning, welcome brother/sister, the sun is still nice and shiny (although we just heard thunder) and free love rules. If it’s Thursday evening/ Friday morning, please help, we’re hiding in an alleyway just behind the office, and there’s a big guffawing clown with blonde hair stomping around saying he owns London and punching people in the face. Call the police.
The final day of freedom’s transfers read thusly:
Micah Richards to Manchester United
The growing hum in the north is that Micah Richards might dare to cross the City/United divide, and spend next season making Wes Brown totally regret signing a new contract. Apparently he has been sickened by his club’s treatment on gentle Sven - and for a humble £23 million, he may be keen to experience a whole new world of angry locals.
Leo Messi to Manchester United
The more sluttish United supporters have decided that Messi may actually be sexier than Ronaldo. The solution: dump Ronaldo, get Messi! They are naughty.
Michael Johnson to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger is so sick and tired of everyone telling him that no one in his side is from England, that he may yet be driven to buying Gareth Barry AND Michael Johnson in an unruly spending rage. Then everyone can shut up, and the promising midfielders can join Richard Wright and Francis Jeffers on the secret list of English players who shouldn’t have gone to Arsenal.
Ginger midfielder puts United in the Champions League final
It won’t go down as an all-time classic match, but Fergie’s men did enough to stave off Barcelona (well, just Messi and Xavi) and book a place in Moscow. Roll on May 21!
A big pat on the back for The Spoiler and its astute readers - yesterday we told you that Manchester United would not win in Spain and 60 per cent of you voted that Messi would have a better game than C-Ron. But if Ronaldo had got the game going by actually placing the ball within the huge netted area when he took his spot kick, things could have been oh so different.
Isn’t it strange how the Liverpool/ Chelsea match turned out to be the exciting one, despite having ‘DULL’ written all over it. It’s likes we’re in topsy-turvy land, where hot snow falls up and hamburgers eat people etc.
Which world class star will dominate proceedings at the Nou Camp?
It’s no secret that Cristiano Ronaldo is a big deal at the moment, but tonight he will face fellow World Player of the Year contender Lionel Messi. The Argentinean may have scored less than half the goals of his Portuguese counterpart this season, but he has the potential to steal tonight’s game tonight and give the Spanish crowd a much-needed confidence boost. If Barcelona are wise, they will try to keep C-Ron off the ball for as long as possible, which could give Messi a chance to show that ugly wingers can dominate Champions League games too.
Ronaldinho treats press to a display of world-class idleness
Ronaldinho, the player who seems to have had Roman Abramovich reaching for his biggest wallet recently yesterday showed his prospective buyer the kind of half-hearted approach to the game they can expect if they are stupid enough to pay him a vast fortune each week.
At the end of his training session with the Barcelona first team, Ronaldinho, perhaps looking forward to eating an apple through a letterbox, was walking off with Lionel Messi. Coach Frank Rijkaard, aware that his number one star hadn’t bothered doing his exercises called him back, yet the Brazilian had the brass neck to keep on walking.
When Ronaldinho finally turned round, Rijkaard made him repeat the exercises, which Ronaldinho did like a sulking child with minimum effort, at which point Rijkaard grabbed his arm and told him to try harder, which he did with as much bad grace as he could muster.
Mr Abramovich will no doubt be delighted to learn his prospective new player shows all the all the petulance, contempt for authority and sense of entitlement appropriate to a Chelsea player.
