They will have cracked the pizzas open in the Aquilani household last night, because their little boy went some way to suggesting that he can provide goals. By scoring a goal. You can enjoy that special moment above, along with a couple from Torres, one from that Babel guy, then a Portsmouth one.
Many of you will have been drinking last night, what with it being Thursday. It’s kind of like the new Friday in that sense. You probably had five or six, tried to snog someone, then made your excuses about having to go to work tomorrow (today), before stumbling home to eat a burger in the style of a homeless man hurriedly wolfing down food from a bin. Hence, missing the Liverpool game.
For those of you too busy watching that programme about the Pineapple Dance Studios, because Charlie Brooker happened to dab it with his seal of ironic approval in the weekend’s Guardian, here are the highlights from the Liverpool game. It didn’t quite go according to plan, and frankly, you were probably better off watching a gay chap with a speech impediment pretending to be a cat.
Nothing sobers a man up quite like landing a dream job with a whopping pay rise, only to turn up in the new office to find that you can’t log in to your computer, at least three of your lesser colleagues appear to have your assignments in their in-tray, and, even after a few long months, your sexy “Rachel” haircut doesn’t appear to be catching on.
At this rate, it’s demotion for sure. Or, even worse, you might get reassigned to the Bolton offices.
All of which leads terrifyingly seamlessly to Alberto Aquilani, who is at risk of joining the likes of Veron, Babel, Brolin, Rebrov, Mutu, Jeffers, Shevchenko, and Keane on the growing list of whatever the opposite of Employee of the Month might be. Massive Let-Down of the Month? Flop of the Year? Scrapheap Challenge?