Spurs winger has high hopes for Blackburn this season

Perhaps it was the moving house, perhaps it’s because he’s back in London and can hang out with all his mates again, or perhaps - just like Tottenham - he can’t really be bothered. Whatever it is he should probably change the homepage to his website.

Pietersen shuns future leaders of industry in nightclub

Last night, South African-born England cricket captain Kevin Pietersen squired his lovely wife Jessica Taylor about foggy London town, accompanied by his brother and his respective ladyfriend. The double-daters enjoyed fine sustenance at Nobu Berkeley, and then decided it was time to throw some shapes on the dancefloor. They arrived at popular WAG hangout Mahiki, but left immediately when they discovered it was student night.

Why the hatred for the work-shy university layabouts, Kev? Does the prospect of hordes of financially impaired youngsters throwing up on your shoes while dressed up in comedy golfing attire bother you that much? Hmm, point taken.

Spoiler bonus: See more of Jessica and her love of falconry here

Who’s the beanpole and what’s he doing?

Whilst his pal Scott Carson was unleashing the contents of his bladder all over Liverpool’s expensive training ground, where was Peter Crouch? At football practice with the rest of his current team? Or walking around a London car park whispering into his phone and gnawing his fingers like they were tree trunks and he were a beaver?

That’s right, the London one.

Spotted! West Ham’s Peruvian, Nolberto Solano, wheeling - according to our spotter - “a medium-sized trolley” into Tesco in Epping on Sunday. Solano, who moved to London to be closer to his family (although surely moving to Peru would have better accomplished that goal), has obviously picked up some bad habits in the north east. A word of advice, Nolberto:

The worlds of football, alcohol and infidelity furiously collide at Paper

While partying at trendy London hangout Paper last weekend, a foxy friend of The Spoiler was accosted by a goalkeeper playing currently playing for a south London side. His advances were strong and intentions were clear until he