Her measurements are 34 GG, or something like that… 

Having tired of Billy Zane’s endless Shakespearian monologues, Kelly Brook has decided that a rugby player’s brand of wit and repartee would make for just the tonic. Hence, she’s been caught draping herself about the arm of England’s great hope for the future, Danny Cipriani. Amazingly, unlike most rugby players, he doesn’t resemble a toby jug, and, thanks to some nifty headgear, his ears have retained their usual shape. Nice choice, Kell.

There’s a whopping eight year age gap between the pair, meaning that back when Danny was cross-legged watching The Flumps with a foot-long string of molten snot stretching from his nose to the floor, Kelly was already a card carrying adult with bosoms. She has, in her time, presented the Big Breakfast, pranced around joyously in just a set of knick-knacks, and starred on ITV’s terrifying apocalyptic vision of the future, Celebrity Love Island.

Best of luck to the pair of them, we say. And for those still hungry for more Kelly Brook artifacts, simply read on…

Posh-named lady you may see hanging around Adams Park

With their cauliflowered ears, barbaric day jobs and propensity to dip their genitals into the beverages of their associates, rugby players tend not to score as well as their preened footballing counterparts on the WAG front. However, London Wasps and England star James Haskell has proved that egg chasers do not need to own hair straighteners and chest wax to snare a beauty (we’re looking at you, Henson). Haskell’s off-pitch interest is Felicia Field-Hall, who by all accounts, is terribly posh. She probably says ’squiffy’ instead of ‘drunk’, and things like that.