Chelsea/Everton, Saturday 3pm, ITV1, £25 no loss Bet

The Big Four enjoyed a twelve year period of uninterrupted FA Cup dominance until last season, when Portsmouth gatecrashed the party. This year, the responsibility of ensuring the oldest football cup in the world stays out of the hands of the Premier League’s elite.

Check out the Big Match Wizard we have produced with Betfair to find out about Ashley Cole’s unprecedented FA Cup success, Chelsea’s superb defensive record when Alex plays, Louis Saha’s habit of scoring against the Blues and shitloads loads more vital betting statistics.

The numbers have persuaded us to back Everton to win 1-0 with Saha grabbing the winner - take a look now and decide if we are being a little bold.

28 days to go until the window is flung open

It’s only four weeks until the January transfer window opens and all eyes turn eagerly towards Manchester City in the hope they they will pump some money around and get a merry-go-round started. What better time than now then for The Spoiler to bring back it’s daily transfer rumour round-up? Here are the latest whisperings that we’ve heard:

Dean Ashton to the highest bidder
Everybody is expecting a FIRE SALE! at West Ham next month but which player do the Daily Mirror think is on top of every Premier League club’s wishlist? Not Robert Green, who starred against Arsenal and Liverpool, nor Matthew Upson, who has established himself as England’s third-choice centre-back. Instead it’s injury-prone pizza fan Dean Ashton, who may not play again this season, who West Ham are supposedly expecting £18 million for.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Any sale would surely happen in the summer and for a seven-figure fee

Emile Heskey to Aston Villa

Hmmm, the plot thins…

The big news filtering in is that one of Man United’s hospital beds has just become free, with Louis Saha winging his way to nearby Everton to receive soothing treatment from kind Liverpudlian nurses. That leaves Man United with a very timely hole up front. Might a stroppy Bulgarian be in the offing?

Man needs calculator…

Once again, Peter Kenyon has proved his worth as one of the lord God’s most unnecessary creations by insisting that Shevchenko might even have been a good bit of business for Chelsea.

“I’m not giving a lesson in accountancy,” he grumped, “but you do write money off over the term of a contract.”

It’s an interesting point. But, unfortunately, even without one of his important accountancy lessons, we can’t help but sense some slightly bad business in the sum below:

All signs point to Wenger’s wallet 

After a bumpy ride towards the end of the season, what with all of his players dashing around like blind madmen with chainsaws, it looks like Captain Wenger is trying to steady his ship with some big name signings. But might it be too little too late? Today’s transfer rumours LOVE Arsenal…

Roque Santa Cruz to Arsenal
Might Wenger totally ditch his buy cheap/make great method by plumping for Santa Cruz, who would cost 89 gazillion Wenger pounds, and is already really good? The people who make up rumours think so.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Not feeling this one.

Louis Saha to Arsenal
With Rooney’s hip problems flaring up and Gary Neville constantly crocked, Man United are looking for extra beds in their infirmary, so Saha will be wheeled out over the summer. Arsene Wenger is thought to be lurking in the Latin quarter of Manchester, sipping hot coffee with £5 million in his pocket.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems unlikely, although Wenger might appreciate his Frenchness.

Samir Nasri to Arsenal
Apparently Nasri is the new Zinedine Zidane - which must be gutting for all the other new Zidanes.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s young, relatively unheard of, Wenger will love him!

When Kevin Keegan isn’t smearing his grubby hands all over their faces, football’s finest businessmen are busy shouting into mobile phones, downing shots of hot coffee, and hanging around in steam rooms persuading footballers to join their club. Just this morning, a bunch of fatties were spotted listening to harp music in big white towels talking about these transactions:

Anton Ferdinand to Tottenham
You have to admire Ramos’ strategy, after all, if he buys every single defender in the Premier League, other teams will have to field children at the back. In the long term, it’s a work of utter genius - have you seen kids play football? They can’t tackle, they’re rubbish.

Steve Sidwell to Everton
Having roared like an inferno with the Chelsea Reserves, it looks like Sidwell might yet pursue a career playing actual competitive football - this time trading Ballack, Lamps and JT, for the second best Neville brother (or seventh if you count 70s Soul group The Neville Brothers), Cahill and Lescott.

Lassana Diarra to Tottenham
Silly us, no one realised that Diarra isn’t looking for a career in football, he’s traveling. And now he’s ready to use his round-the-world ticket on a flight to North London - no doubt wearing some hippy beads and a tattoo that he got done during a crazy full moon party on one of Portsmouth many sandy beaches. Don’t forget your didgeridoo Lassana!