They’re a disgrace, a big revolting disgrace…

Okay, we’ve drooled enough over the Arshavins and the David Villas, now it’s time to load up the claws and get stuck into some massive Euro 2008 flops. These men should think about getting a new day job - especially you, Ronaldo, or whatever your name is! What’s that? It is Ronaldo? Yeah, well…. shut up!

GK Petr Cech (Czech Republic)
His mistakes were costly, the hat looks stupid, and he’s getting more and more grumpy - starting to resemble the world’s most sullen gimp.

DL Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)
Lack of match practice and being played out of position made Ferreira appalling against the Germans. Needs to locate his footballing ability.

DC Lilian Thuram (France)
In fairness, he should never have been there. Too old for the modern speedsters with their shiny trainers and spikey hairstyles. Someone needs to tell him to stop.

Which Spaniard deserves a smacked bottom?

Big tournaments always seperate the wheat from the chaff, the goats from the sheep, the real heroes from the posers wearing drainpipes etc. And this year has been no different. Going in, everyone was blathering about Ronaldo, and saying things like “it could be France’s year, seriously, I just know it”. How wrong those idiots were.

Make no mistake, it’s been a great tournament, and there is still time for some big names to become great again, but for now, The Spoiler barometer has cast it’s aspersions. Don’t fight it, drink it in.

Topping the table with a phenomenol run is Valencia’s David Villa - a man who can somehow make time to fashion a pencil beard and score four goals for Spain. He has left Torres in the shade. To think he was going to go to Tottenham. Hilarious.

Also on the up and up is Russia’s revelation Andrei Arshavin, one of the Zenit St Petersburg crop. His lofty Russian wages won’t scare off the bigger names in Europe post-tournament, so expect to hear much more from him.

Those two are joined in the top half of the barometer by Wesley Sneijder - the pick of the excellent Holland team - and Turkey’s Nihat Kahveci, who scored probably the best goal so far against Petr Cech, supposedly the best goalkeeper in the world.

Sliding down towards the other end is Germany’s Klose - tipped

Bayern Munich stars give expert class in one-upmanship

The final game of Group C, aka the ‘Group of Death’, will see hunky Luca Toni’s Italy take on not-so-hunky Franck Ribery’s France. As a precursor to this hotly anticipated match, the Bayern Munich stars have filmed a bizarre football-based slanging match at the Allianz arena. It all kicks off when Ribery’s French national anthem ringtone causes Toni to display his patriotic T-Shirt, and it escalates into a display of athletic prowess all around the Allianz Arena, peppered with mildly xenophobic comments. If you want to know what they say, someone has translated it in the comments here.

It’s a slow news day when we post a video in French (with a little German and Italian), but hey, what do you want us to talk about? Women’s softball? Baby racing? Actually, baby racing looks pretty awesome…

[Sexy video source: The Beautiful Game]

With no British presence, you’ll need something to look at

It was the 2006 World Cup that really embedded the concept of Waggery deep into the conscience of this tiny island we all share, yet this summer, Posh, Cheryl et al will not be spending their time in the finest hard plastic seats Switzerland and Austria have to offer. Thanks, Mr McClaren.

This does not mean, however, that the stands will be devoid of eye candy - far from it. Sylvie (above), wife of Holland’s Rafael van der Vaart, will be just one of many devastatingly beautiful WAGs who will have pitch side snappers aiming their long lenses in the opposite direction to Dirk Kuyt.

Click here for more pictures of Sylvie van der Vaart, and check out the rest of Euro 2008’s hottest WAGs after the jump

This Italian model has no time for the beautiful game

In the WAG hierarchy, it doesn’t get much better than bagging a World Cup winner, and that’s exactly what Italian model/ TV presenter Marta Cecchetto has achieved - she met Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni nine years ago at a nightclub, when the striker was with lowly Lodigiani. Thirty-year-old Marta has been a model for sixteen years (she has represented countless high end brands and appeared on the cover of plenty of snooty fashion magzines) and she has since branched into television work.

As the season winds up to a thrilling finale, the more speculative fans have already started on 2008/2009 - who will be where, and why? From trawling the depths of the messageboards and forums, here’s what The Spoiler has stumbled across today:

Luca Toni - Bayern Munich to West Ham
West Ham’s incoming technical director Gianluca Nani discovered Toni at Bayern Munich, which is causing a frezied wave of dillusion in East London. Might the best striker in Europe trade in Champions League football with Bayern Munich for mid-table mediocrity in rainy old England?

Shay Given - Newcastle to Arsenal
Lehmann is almost sixty-years-old, Almunia isn’t entirely convincing, so might Wenger be driven to actually spend some money? The whisper is that Given could finally stop bothering to try and win things at Newcastle.

David Bentley - Blackburn to Aston Villa
Speculation is growing that Bentley will move to one of the big four this summer, but Villa fans are hopeful that their young talented team will be more tempting than the haunting prospect of becoming the next Jermaine Pennant.