There’s always next year, Rafa

Because not everyone can be the star of the show

For every Premiership star, there is a gaggle of decidedly average teammates skulking about in his shadows. These players are neither outstanding nor terrible, they are simply hard workers with a tendency to go about their job with little fuss - probably because they don’t want to draw attention to their lack of class.

The Spoiler has lovingly compiled a starting  in tribute to these headline-dodging work horses, and no, it’s not just the Middlesbrough team…

GK: Kasper Schmeichel
City’s number two shot stopper isn’t a bad keeper, but he’s no class act - it probably doesn’t help that his dad was one of the best shot stoppers the Premier League has ever seen. It’s almost tragic at how much worse he is than Schmeichel senior but at ;east he is a better use of genetic material than George Best’s profesional moron son Calum.

RB: Phil Neville
The crappier Neville brother has represented England 59 times, and is Everton’s current captain. Yet he’s never been that good at anything other than tackling.

CB: Steven Taylor
The Newcastle defender has the odd impressive performance, but if he could sustain it, maybe Shay ‘I-have-to-face-way-too-many-shots-a-match’ Given would want to stay.

CB: Anton Ferdinand
They share the same parents, play at centre back, think dodgy braids are equally cool

Brazilian’s possessions purloined while on Champions League duty

Last December, Alex Curran had a terrifying encounter with armed robbers who broke into her home while her husband was diving playing away in Marseille, marking the sixth occasion in eighteen months that a Liverpool star’s home security had been breached. The Spoiler’s crack team of sleuths predicted that John Arne Riise would be the next man in a red shirt to suffer a break in (his rogue payslip, bankruptcy and apparent willingness to part with his Champions League medal to show casual attitude to materialism), yet he managed to escape to Rome unburglarised.

In place of the ginger Norwegian, young Brazilian Lucas Leiva has had his home ransacked, with thieves making off with an Olympic bronze medal, some Brazil shirts and a huge “swag” bag full of “treasured memories”.