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Chelsea’s stars made to walk a short distance to the Stadium of Light last night. How common.
[Pies]

Arsenal and Barcelona have signed a £30m pact to ensure Cesc Fabregas’ return to Spain
[Daily Mail]

Should Tottenham stop spending?
[Caught Offside]

Manchester City - who haven’t sold out their first home game -  wish to expand their stadium capacity
[Dirty Tackle]

Somethin’ for the ladies: Luis Figo lets his trousers ride a little bit too low
[Kickette]

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[Twitter]

Yes, some crazy person had enough free time to make this

Admittedly, Sister Act/ footballer mash-ups are exactly common, but this is by far the best example we’ve seen. Stick with it until (2.40) for an angelic Cristiano Ronaldo solo.

[Dirty Tackle]

For some players, it’s all about the Benjamins

After being knocked back by Kaka and his ilk, it’s becoming clear that Manchester City will have to build their team of superstars from those who hold a big day in greater regard than loyalty and dignity.

Perhaps Robinho, Craig Bellamy and co should look at the example set by Athletic Bilbao’s Joseba Exteberría. The Basque legend - who has notched up over 400 appearances for Athletic Club since 1995 - recently signed a one-year extension to his contract that will see him play for free.

The Spaniard won’t go to sleep tonight on a huge pile of money surrounded by beautiful women (isn’t that what most Premier League stars do?), but he will have earned a helluva lot more respect from the European football community.

With this in mind, take a look at The Spoiler’s Mercenary XI. And before all the City fans start getting their sky blue knickers in a twist, no players from the blue side of Manchester made the cut…

Carlo Cudicini
Cudicini might frown at his inclusion in a list containing such a disloyal and greedy bunch, but we struggled to find a true mercenary to stick between the sticks. Cudicini gets the honour, however, as a player rivaling former Chelsea colleague Winston Bogarde for lack of ambition. Before the arrival of Petr Cech in 2004, Cudicini was Chelsea’s first choice shot stopper and one of the best keepers in the league (acknowledged by his ITV Premiership Goalkeeper of the season award for 2003/04). Since Cech has displaced him as first choice and now the Italian only manages a handful of appearances a season. Chelsea’s number two keeper should have more ambition than collecting a wage for bench warming - a man of his talents would make a decent number one at most European clubs.

Pascal Chimbonda
Chimbonda put in a transfer request at Wigan Athletic straight after the final whistle of their last game of the 2005/06 season, earning him a move – and a pay rise - with Spurs. Last January the Sun reported that he told pals, “Kevin Keegan has approached me and they’ve offered me more money. I am definitely leaving Spurs. It’s all about the money. I don’t care about the final, I don’t care about the cup.” He got his wish joining Sunderland in the summer, and he is now engineering a move away from the Black Cats, with Lyon a touted destination.

Winston Bogarde
Following spells at Barcelona and AC Milan, Winston Bogarde joined Chelsea in 2000. After Gianluca Vialli was replaced, however, he found himself surplus to requirements. Chelsea were keen to offload him but no one would match his £40,000 wages and Bogarde was reluctant to take a pay cut. “Why should I throw fifteen million euros away when it is already mine? At the moment I signed it was in fact my money, my contract,” he protested. He sat it out in the reserves for four years and continued to train with either the youth or reserve teams, safe in the knowledge he would still receive his pocket money. When his contract expired, with 11 appearances in four years and a reputation as the greediest and least ambitious man in football, he retired after a lack of interest in his services. Bogarde clearly has no qualms about his time in West London: “I may be one of the worst buys in the history of the Premiership, but I don’t care”.

The Terminator, Luis Figo

Being stylish is a full-time job, take it from us.  The Spoiler is constantly searching for a new look, as, it seems, is Luis Figo. Already this year, he’s been spotted milling around in a gentlemanly set of knickers that clearly outline his Portuguese penis - as an homage to Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, we assume - and now he’s been plundering through iconic 80s films for his vibe, settling for The Schwartzen… the Shhwortzz… the Schwert… the Arnie look.

Fantastic.

Luis Figo caught relaxing with gigantic genitalia

While on holiday with model WAG Helen Svedin in Italy’s picturesque Lake Como, veteran Inter Milan winger Luis Figo decided to show the world his tiniest Speedos. Yet is the Portuguese guilty of ‘Lenny Kravitz-ing’ up his swimwear? Or is he in the process of ‘flipping from six to midnight’?

More unashamedly homoerotic evidence after the jump…

The best nude model/ football agent/ Euro 2008 WAG out there

It appears that Nereida Gallardo isn’t the only Spanish WAG who will display her chemically-enhanced chest at the drop of a five Euro note. Today’s WAG of the Day is Nuria Bermúdez, one of Madrid’s most recognized ‘It’ girls who makes Danielle Lloyd’s impressive tally of footballer conquests look laughable.

In her prime, which appears to have begun not long after her fifteenth birthday, she boasted that she had slept with no less than six of Real Madrid’s first team. In addition, she claimed to have exchanged ‘raunchy texts’ with David Beckham and was sued by Luis Figo for suggesting he was two-timing his lovely model wife Helen Svedin with her. Interestingly, neither player ever denied the allegations.

As you may expect from any self-respecting lady who will happily remove her top on live television, she has served her time under C-Ron. During Euro 2008, however, the salacious wild child will be cheering on her new-ish husband, Spanish striker Dani Güiza.

Exhibition aims to kick violence out of the game with pork products

After spending more than a century in a restless search for its true place in culture and society, football is no nearer understanding where it fits in than when it began. Increasingly resented by the proles as they find themselves priced out of their own game, and scoffed at by the middle classes for its appalling lack of taste and refinement, it’ll soon be the Priory for football if it doesn’t sort its head out.

To help in this quest for self-knowledge, Herr Klaus Littman of Switzerland has stepped forward, with his travelling exhibition called “Passion on the Terraces”. Featuring exhibits such as a replica of the pig’s head that Barcelona fans threw at Luis Figo, the Vespa that Milan fans pushed over the edge of the