It’s only a matter of time before the clown puking a rainbow into a toilet jumper reaches our shores

Morons can order the charming pullover here for just €24.95.

[Source: Bild]

FC Köln striker vaults a fence to show appreciation to fans

Those who dipsair at Emmanuel Adebayor’s attitude and Gary Neville’s defence of outrageous salaries can find solace in Lukas Podolski.

The Polish-born German national team striker played for FC Köln from the age of ten, but was begrudgingly sold in 2003 when Bayern Munich turned up with an irresistible €10m cheque. When the arrival of Luca Toni pushed him down the pecking order in Munich, however, Podolski returned to his childhood club for a similar €10m fee. Such was the Cologne fans’ love of their returning hero that they set up a website in order to raise money to fund the re-signing.

Since his return to North Rhine-Westphalia, Podolski has reciprocated the love shown to him by fans. Last night, FC Köln caused an upset in the DFB-Pokal cup (the German equivalent of the FA Cup)

German actress, TV presenter and underwear enthusiast

German actress Lilli Hollunder is best known in her home nation for her starring role in slightly tosh daily soap Verbotene Liebe (Forbidden Love). The 22-year-old has recently branched out into the world of TV presenting, and is now the face of FC-TV, the official channel of FC Köln.

In a recent interview with Bild, Lilli fawned over returning Cologne hero Lukas Podolski and revealed she has a “sexy friend” named Matthias, who plays for lowly FC Junkersdorf. 

Striker alleged to have physically and verbally abused his captain

Chelsea players and winged creatures know not to mess with Michael Ballack, but Germany’s favourite Polish striker Lukas Podolski clearly has some lessons to learn.

On Wednesday night, the 13 or 14 people who attended the Wales/ Germany game in Cardiff were shocked to see the angry forward slap his captain in the middle of the pitch. After the game, Podolski dismissed the incident:

Sometimes these things happen on the pitch. For me, the matter is closed and have been dealt with. Anyone can see I am a player who sometimes shows emotion, but I don’t clear these things up in public. We are professional enough to discuss these things in private.

We didn’t report this yesterday as Podolski’s comments made it all seem like a non-event, but our German friends at Bild have spiced things up this morning by claiming Podolski ranted at Ballack before the bitchslap.

Apparently, he said “Halt’s Maul! Lauf selber, du Arschloch!”. Thanks to The Spoiler’s tenuous grasp of German idioms, we know this means:

“Shut your trap! Run, you arsehole!”

In response to this accusation, Podolski simply said: “I did not use such words.” Whatevs, Lukas.

Spoiler bonus: Video evidence of the honour-offending slap after the jump…

One of the Bundesliga’s better known supporting ladies

Polish-born striker Lukas Podolski is hugely popular in Germany, but he hasn’t been having such a great time at Bayern Munich. He has already agreed to move back to FC Köln at the end of the season, which means Colgne will also be welcoming back his long-term girlfriend, Monika Puchalski.

Fans buy advertising space on Poldi’s face

Polish-born Germany striker Lukas Podolski is thoroughly unsettled at current club Bayern Munich, and has now secured a move back to his first Bundesliga club FC Köln, to begin in July.

Poldi is one of the most popular players in Deustchland, and the transfer fee is expected to be in the region of €10m. In order to bring their star player home, Cologne have enlisted the help of their fans, particularly those who own businesses.

At the club’s Poldi-Pixel site, fans may purchase an 8×8 pixel square for €25, which they can use to advertise a company and display wishes of goodwill towards the striker.

To cover the entire fee, FC Köln will have to sell 400,000 pixels.

Wantaway striker wants away yet again

For about the thousandth time in his Chelsea career, Didier Drogba has shown a desire to jump ship after being spotted in a restaurant with his agent, an Inter director and Jose Mourinho’s agent. However, for perhaps the first time, the Ivory Coast striker is no longer indispensible. Chelsea are top of the Premier League and the division’s top-scorers while Nicolas Anelka has managed eleven goals in twelve league starts. So if the Blues do finally decide to get shot of the striker, who should they bring in to replace him? Here are a few of the names that have been mentioned so far:

Adriano
The Brazilian striker was a surprise inclusion for Inter Milan in the starting line-up against Juventus, where he helped create the winning goal. There are big question marks over his attitude but former Italy coach Arrigo Sacchi has tipped him to move to Stamford Bridge, saying: ”Roman Abramovich has always liked him and I wouldn’t be surprised if Chelsea came knocking on Massimo Moratti’s door soon.”

Mario Balotelli
The 18-year-old is another Inter Milan striker who is linked with a move to Chelsea in a part-exchange deal for Drogba. Scolari is reportedly impressed by the youngster but it would be seen as a big gamble to replace Drogba with someone so inexperienced.

Lukas Podolski

The Red Devils may have an extra £80m to play with

After exposing the gaps the five London clubs and the Prem newbies need to fill, we have now condiered the manner in which Manchester Utd and Liverpool should redistribute their cash this summer…

Manchester Utd

Top priority:
The best deal for Ronaldo - If he wants out, get shot of him. If United demand big money, Real Madrid are likely to agree and if not, they keep him.
Fergie should demand Wesley Sneijder, who has outperformed Ronaldo at the Euros, in exchange and then use the remaining money to buy another striker.

Fitting the bill: Wesley Sneijder, Dani Guiza, Luis Fabiano, Dimitar Berbatov

Liverpool

Top priority:
A quality winger - Liverpool already boast Gerrard, Mascherano, Alonso, Lucas and Plessis in central midfield so it’s confusing that they make Barry the main priority. Babel is quality, but Kuyt’s a striker and Benayoun and Pennant aren’t good enough.

Fitting the bill: Aiden McGeady, Franck Ribery, Robinho, David Bentley

Spoiler bonus: Here’s who should be on the shopping lists of the other two Merseyside and Manchester clubs…

Everton

Top priority:
A new Lee Carsley -