The Spoiler

Breaking News: Michael Owen out for the season


No, not that one. This one

I’m Michael Owen

Although one suspects it’s only a matter of time..

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Posted: October 23rd, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

Managers’ style rated, Fergie’s food half-inched and Becks gets ready for Halloween


Coming to a computer near you…

Chew nicely Fergster

Who is the trendiest of the sideline ranters? Clue - it’s not Martin O’Neill
( Unprofessional Foul )

A goal celebration more exciting than Alan Shearer’s
( 101gg )

Who confiscated Fergie’s chewing gum?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Daily Sceince - FIFA’s cunning new ruse to prevent cheats in junior football
( Off the Post )

And not content with living alongside a witch, Becks buys a pumpkin to prepare for Halloween
( Off the Post )

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Posted: October 22nd, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

Europa League. Still going apparently


The alternatives to watching a racist tonight

Who wants to win a cup without handles anyway

Heroin users regularly tell thespoiler, that following the intense euphoric rush as the drug first kicks in, comes a withdrawal period. Anxiety, depression, nausea and excessive yawning all follow in the next 24 hours. It’s easy to empathise on weeks like this.

The Champions League shows us a bit of leg on the Tuesday, even more on the Wednesday, but by Thursday, as the Europa League theme strikes up, the aforementioned symptoms are all too familiar.

At 6pm, two struggling sides meet on ITV4, as Lazio host Villareal, currently rock bottom of la Liga. At the same time on ESPN, Everton can continue their march towards the knock-out stages by taking care of former European giants Benfica.

At 8pm, three more matches to ignore in the competition that contains more groups than Simon Cowell’s record label. Martin Jol’s Ajax host Dinamo Zagreb, captained by former Liverpool scapegoat Igor Biscan. ITV4 are showing Celtic’s defeat at home to Hamburg whilst the match of the night is at the Cottage, where Roma come calling on Ch5. Feel free to insert your own Stan Collymore - Cottage related joke. Thespoiler never goes for the easy laugh.

For a better standard of football this evening, MUTV at 7 is the place to watch Manchester United Reserves tackle Blackburn’s second string

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Posted: October 22nd, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

New Video Footage: Sir Alex storms out of Press Conference


This one does exactly what it says on the tin

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Posted: October 21st, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

ITV miss a trick by not screening Madrid vs Milan


Who really wants to watch Chelsea win 1-0?

Bye Bye Milan

Another eight matches for your consumption this evening, although at least CSKA Moscow and Manchester United (5:30pm SS2) have the decency to kick off a little earlier for us armchair fans.

At 7:45, the two most successful clubs in European Cup history meet for the first time in almost seven years. Many expect Madrid to absolutely tank Milan, whilst in the other Group B fixture, Marseille will be collecting some Toblerone, and probably three points in Zurich.

Elsewhere, Besiktas go to Wolfsburg, whilst victory for Bordeaux at home to Bayern, could mean big trouble for Juventus, who themselves are at home to whipping boys Maccabi Haifa tonight.

For those without Sky Sports, Chelsea - Atletico is on ITV1 at 7:30, whilst the other Group D game tonight, Porto vs APOEL, should go largely unwatched.

As ever, predictions below…

UPDATE: Thespoiler has just been reminded that this year’s Champions League final is on a Saturday. Thank goodness Simon Cowell is usually on his holidays by then, or we may be looking forward to the first ever ITV2 Champions League final.

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Posted: October 21st, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

Wayne Rooney wanted to be a doctor, and other Man Utd revelations


United stars reveal their inner selves. Sort of

The mind of a professional footballer is like a series of caves. Big, empty caves.

For example, who knew that goofy Cristiano Ronaldo (damn, he’s goofy) prefers tea to coffee! And how does Wayne Rooney manage to keep a straight face when he reveals that he wants to be a doctor? Answer: he doesn’t.

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Posted: December 3rd, 2008 by Ollie Irish

Cristiano Ronaldo cares about his fans


Meet the winner of the Ballon d’Or. He’s one humble mother

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“Just take the damn photo already, so I can finish my cake. Jesus, you people make me sick.”

This shot of Cristiano Ronaldo posing with a young fan was taken after Sunday’s Manchester derby. Can you feel the sincerity?

To be fair to Ron - not something we would usually do - we understand if he was in a less-than-charitable mood, having been shown a red card (fairly, according to you) hours earlier.

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Posted: December 2nd, 2008 by Ollie Irish

The list: Top six Manchester derby moments (with video evidence)


With Man City hosting Man Yoo on Sunday, The Spoiler looks back at some memorable derby days

1. George Best vs Franny Lee, 1971
A six-goal thriller, notable for the contributions of a certain George Best and little Francis Lee. Vintage stuff.

More Manc magic below:

Read more

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Posted: November 28th, 2008 by Ollie Irish