West Ham boss could be granted the first P45 of the season
Every season, punters stake a significant amount on the first managerial sacking, but in the opast few years, the bookies have been clearing up. Who could have seen bumbling clowns Sammy Lee and Chris Hutchings outlasting two-time Premier League winner Jose Mourinho? And the year before did anyone really see Charlton, having stood by Alan Curbishley for 15 years, sacking Iain Dowie just three months into the season? Curbishley is the unlucky favourite this year (5/1, bet here), but in preparation for a big shock, chickendinner have surveyed all of the sack race contenders…
Alan Curbishley
» West Ham’s last two managers - Glenn Roeder and Alan Pardew - were both sacked in the first half of the season.
» Glenn Roeder was sacked after just two games in his third season in charge in 2003. This will be Curbishley’s third season at West Ham.
» However, West Ham have only had eleven full-time managers in their 113-year history - no other Premier League club has had fewer.
» Three managers have left West Ham while they were a Premier League club - Billy Bonds, Harry Redknapp and Alan Pardew - but of those only Pardew was removed in the middle of a season.
Kevin Keegan
» All seven full-time Newcastle Premier League managers have left in the middle of the season.
» Newcastle have ridiculously sacked three managers in August over the last past ten years - Dalglish, Gullit and Robson - winning the sack race on each occasion.
» Keegan has a track record for resigning mid-campaign. He left the England job in the middle of qualifying for the 2002 World Cup and he left both Newcastle and Man City mid-season.
» But Keegan has never spent less than a year at a club, which would mean staying on until January 16. By that point last season, eight managers had left their club.
Before Mexico manager Sven-Goran Eriksson came to prominence in the UK, British men with bad eyesight, grey locks and a vastly receding hairlines had nothing in their lives except drab offices, crossword puzzles and avoiding people’s glances on the train. After the Swede romped his way to power, however, one such man has managed to make a full-time career based on his similarity to the randy manager. His name is Derek Williams, and he has been using his special gift since 2005 - you can see him in the picture above recreating a typical day at Eriksson HQ.
Recently, the Sven-alike has been using his dashing visage to make Mexicans look like damned fools:
[Williams] was given a tour of Primera División outfit Universidad Nacional’s stadium - the Estadio Olímpico Universitario - yesterday morning after sending the club falsified documents which appeared to have come from the Mexican football federation. According to Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport, nobody spotted the deception until the federation themselves released a statement later in the day.
Williams could have used his powers to earn hugely inflated severance packages from top teams, or to bed any unscrupulous secretary/ television personality in the world. Williams decided to use it to get tours of stadiums. And they say George Best wasted his gift…
Spoiler bonus: If you would like to book Derek for a social event or to give you access to a foreign stadium that is open to the public anyway, click here.
Giving ‘the bumps’ to a 69 year old isn’t a good idea, apparently
Luis Aragonés may be officially parting ways with the Spanish national side tomorrow, but that’s no excuse for the kind of abuse he received after the match last night.
The over-zealous Spanish players decided it would be a great idea to show their appreciation for their 69-year-old coach by hoisting him up in the air and giving him ‘the bumps’. The last time an old man had such a look of horror on his face was when Teddy Sheringham saw Danielle Lloyd’s ‘charming’ personality unfold in the Big Brother house. According to The Spoiler’s official club doctor, the shock of being repeatedly thrown in the air by a large group of brutish men could have induced fatal cardiac problems. The risk of dislocation or breaking a bone was also high, as men of his age tend to have weak and brittle joints.
Fenerbahçe would have been mightily unimpressed if the old racist had turned up to work in a wheelchair, or worse still, a coffin…
Blackburn not good enough for inexperienced MOTD pundit
The Daily Telegraph are today reporting that Alan Shearer may turn down the chance to succeed Mark Hughes because he “is not convinced that Blackburn would be the right place for him.”
Yes that’s right, a man whose post-retirement career has relied on professionally stating the bleedin’ obvious (and making Mark Lawrenson’s analysis seem groundbreaking in comparison) on Match of the Day could turn down the seventh-best team in the Premier League because they aren’t ‘right’ for him.
In comparison, the candidates who could miss out because of Shearer’s apparent God-given right to a top job are Sam Allardyce, who took Bolton to a League Cup Final and into Europe, and Paul Ince, who since retiring has knuckled down and spent 18 months overachieving with Franchise FC in League Two, winning two trophies.
Shearer also appears ignorant of the opportunities afforded to Blackburn managers - the last two
According to this morning’s Independent, the top brass at Chelsea are showing their football nous by giving peripheral benchwarmer Andriy Shevchenko an important role in selecting the next team manager. The West London club are still keen on hiring Milan’s Carlo Ancelotti (you know, the chap who has turned them down a couple of times already), and the man who couldn’t persuade his way into the first team has been asked to persuade the Italian:
The 31-year-old striker is one of several people Abramovich has consulted over the recruitment of a new coach and is understood to have urged him to carry on with his pursuit of the man he played under at Milan, despite being rebuffed last week.
Originally Abramovich had only intended to speak to Ancelotti to ask him his opinion on who he should appoint but, under the advice of Shevchenko among others, he decided to offer the 48-year-old the post.
In other news, the groundsman who punched Patrice Evra has been asked to lure Samuel Eto’o to the club, while a 17-year-old girl who works at a burger stand in the Shed End will be holding interviews for a new marketing director.
Milan gaffer can’t go 45 minutes without his beloved cancer sticks
In Italy, one can alleviate the stress of top flight management by enjoying the cool refreshing taste of a filthy mid-game cigarette. Sparking up on the touchline in the UK, however, was outlawed pretty much at the same time as the death penalty and witchcraft. Considering Carlo Ancelotti’s crafty antics at last year’s Celtic/ AC Milan game, he wouldn’t last five minutes in any of the Premier League’s fine smoke-free stadia - so it’s no wonder he has decided to stay ‘loyal’ to his current employer.
Still think Ancelotti will come to West London? Put your money where your persistent opinion is right here, you crazy fool.
Mark Hughes would do well to listen to the parable of Big Sam. Sam Allardyce was one of the most promising managers in English football and one of the leading contenders for the national team job at one point until he decided to leave his club Bolton for a team who finished lower in the table and had an impatient chairman. Now poor Sam finds his reputation in tatters.
Mark Hughes - 4/11 Despite being considered a contender for the Chelsea job, Hughes is now the odds-on favourite to take over at Manchester City. But Hughes’ Blackburn finished above City this season and have a much more patient chairman so would it really be a step in the right direction for the former Wales manager?
Verdict: Could be career suicide
Players jeopardise European spot, integrity in the north east
Amid all the Manchester Utd celebrations, Birmingham rioting, John Terry arms and Paul Jewell bitching, Man City’s suspicious loss at the Riverside has been flying a under the radar. At the time of writing, Sven-Goran Eriksson is still waiting to receive his £5m pay-off hear of his future at Manchester City, and is uncertain if he will be joining his side on their impending Eastern tour.
It’s no secret that the players are unhappy about the Swede’s looming P45, and accusing a side of throwing a game is a very strong charge, but is it possible that they engineered this highly unlikely end to the season? Consider the following:
* Previously, Middlesbrough hadn’t scored more than two goals in a game all season.
* This is only the fourth occasion in Premier League history when a team has scored eight or more in a game - the others being Newcastle/ Sheffield Wednesday (8-0; 99/00), Manchester United/ Nottingham Forest (8-1; 98/99) and Manchester Utd/ Ipswich (9-0; 94/95).
* On each of those occasions the team that won were higher in the league table.
* Sven Goran Eriksson’s side hadn’t lost three straight league games all season previously.
* Manchester City’s record defeat was a 1-9 defeat to Everton way back in 1906 and this was Middlesbrough’s record top-flight win.
* City started the day with a clear lead in the Fair Play League
Current Citeh manager said to be holding out for the Blues
It appears that Sven Goran Eriksson is just a few days away from another gigantic dismissal pay-off (£5m to be exact) and he has already held talks with Benfica. However, today’s Guardian reports that he stands a very good chance of taking Avram Grant’s job this summer, and it sounds like a credible scenario - Sven discussed a move to to Chelsea while he was still England manager, and his passion for money ought to deter him from taking a pay cut in Portugal.
So who do you think would do a better job at the Bridge next season - the Toad or the Swede? Votes and comments below, please.
