Vince Grella is the latest victim of aggressive burglary

In light of the antics of the Liverpool FC cat burglar, the ram-raid attack on Jermaine Pennant’s mansion and the assault on Darren Fletcher’s home, the prospect of being a rich Premiership footballer living in Cheshire, Manchester or Merseyside is becoming less attractive.

Blackburn’s Vince Grella is the latest victim of a burglarisation in the north-west, thanks to a knife-wielding gang who made off with his jewellery and gaz guzzling car.

Incredibly, the Aussie midfielder has become the seventeenth Premier League armed robbery victim in less than three years. The Sun reports:

Four masked thugs burst through the door of his £1million house, threatened him with a blade and demanded jewellery and watches.Stunned Grella, 29, then saw the mob swipe his car keys and speed away in his BMW 4×4.

Mr Chelsea to get his own ‘Glorified Garden Shed‘

Over the past few months, Chelsea fans have been worried that their captain would move to a bigger house worth even more money, but John Terry has officially confirmed that he will be staying at his current residence after being offered a considerable improvement to his domestic situation.

Hilarious allusions to transfer speculation aside, Mr Chelsea has won permission to devalue his neighbours’ property by constructing a huge personal gym. The Mirror sez:

The 28-year-old England and Chelsea captain has been given the nod to build an extension to his £2.25million house for a gym, pool, sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi.

Residents in Oxshott, Surrey, had objected to the move, but council chiefs gave him the go-ahead.

A pal said: “John’s delighted. He’ll have all the keep-fit facilities he needs to get in shape for the World Cup next year.”

Thank God JT has been given the opportunity to keep fit at home. How on earth would he have coped just using the multi-million-pound state-of-the-art Chelsea training ground that he visits every day?

Freddie to get a “super lodger” in his posh pad

As Samuel Eto’o inches closer to earning £192,000-a-week after tax at Manchester City, The Mirror are reporting that he has already organised some suitable accommodation for his family in northern England.

Freddie Flintoff owns a £2.5m mansion in Hale, but has since has moved his family to another home in the relatively-nearby Cheshire village of Mottram St Andrew (on land once owned by Mark Hughes). Hence, the Lancashire all-rounder is now looking for a lodger who is happy to piss away an outrageous amount of rent:

Barcelona ace Eto’o is set to move into a Georgian style house in the plush village of Hale owned by cricket ace Flintoff, who is renting out the property for around £20,000-a-month - a fraction of Eto’o’s £200,000-a-week wages.

The Spoiler is a little confused as to why Eto’o would rent a place in England, when he could easily afford to buy one outright. Is he waiting for market conditions to improve, or is he not looking to stay on our tiny island for very long?

Real Madrid star is selling his home at the wrong time

In 2008, Cristiano Ronaldo paid £3.8m for the seven-bedroom mansion in Alderly Edge that his new neighbours deemed “offensive, brutal and insensitive“.

Soon after moving in, the tricky winger invested £300,000 on a pool, gym and ‘gadgets’ (read: ‘a sex dungeon’) for his opulent pre-fab home.

The financial nuclear winter doesn’t seem to have affected his freespending employers, but it has depreciated the value of the Cheshire crib, as it is now valued at just £3.5m. The Spoiler’s maths correspondent informs us that this represents a loss of £600,000.

It could take anything up to three weeks for Ronaldo to make back that kind of deficit.

Suspicious party discovered during Champions League Final

Those who believe that illegal activity could not possibly occur in a £1.3m mock Tudor mansion purchased by a footballer are in for a shock. While watching her son Ryan Giggs lose the Champions League Final in Rome on Wednesday night, police raided Lynne Johnson’s home and discovered a drugs party, which may have in fact been a sexy drugs party.

The Sun reports:

The Premier League star was said to be “hit for six” by the “unauthorised” bash at the £1.3million six-bed mansion.Lynne and Giggs’s half-sister Bethany, 17, had travelled to watch United’s defeat on Wednesday.

Cops were alerted after Lynne’s 91-year-old next-door neighbour spotted men pull up in two cars at the pad in Worsley, Greater Manchester.

A cop arrived to see two or three men and a woman run to the rear of the house

Finally, Man City star can play his bongos in peace

If there’s one thing Robinho loves more than half-arsed performances, Adriano sex parties and taking the bus, it’s pimping his mansion.

In February, the Manchester City star brought a Copacabana atmosphere to rainy Cheshire by installing a beach football pitch, and in his latest attempt to emulate his home nation, has installed a £30,000 soundproof music suite. In it, he can play his beloved samba music late into the night, without disturbing the neighbours who already have to put up with looking at a huge muddy sandpit in his garden.

A made-up source told The Sun: “He is always playing his bongo drums.”

Defender gives thieves assistance in locating his home

Last summer, we told you pesky builders had cursed the swimming pool in Gary Neville’s £7m mansion by burying Liverpool memorabilia underneath it.

In order to redress the balance towards his beloved Manchester Utd, the right back has planted an 18ftx10ft shrubbery dedication. Neighbours have dismissed the design as “self indulgent”, but they should be glad they don’t live next to the other Neville brother, who has a very tacky unique approach to appointing his homes.

[The Mirror]

Liverpool captain can now blast his guns in relative privacy

The papers this morning have been making a big fuss about the monstrous £350,00 gym Steven Gerrard is building in the garden of his monstrous £2m mansion in the Merseyside suburb of Freshfield: The Daily Mail questioned if any asylum seekers were hiding inside it, The Daily Express said it never would have been built if Princess Diana were still here, while The Sun didn’t find room to cover the story as they had exclusive pictures of someone who looked vaguely like Madeleine McCann in a playground in Outer Mongolia.

Residents have correctly complained that the ‘ASDA Supermarket’-style building is not in keeping with the tacky-looking prefab mansions beautiful local properties in the area, yet the biggest concern should be that WAG Alex Curran has insisted that a solarium is included in the complex. The orange glow coming off that girl can already be seen for several miles, and if she has a personal fake tan emporium at her disposal, Merseyside will probably experience something akin to permanent sunlight. And nobody wants that - it would really confuse the owls.

More pictures after the jump…