Real Madrid are going to have to spend their millions elsewhere

Valencia have had a change of heart and told Real Madrid that they won’t be selling David Villa, according to reports in Spain.

Marca claim that Valencia president Manuel Llorente met with the Spain striker’s agent Jose Luis Tamargo this morning to tell him that Villa would be staying at the Mestalla and a statement is expected later today confirming this.

If the reports are accurate it could have massive implications on the transfer market. Cash-strapped Valencia may be forced to sell Liverpool target David Silva instead while Real Madrid will have to shop elsewhere for a striker.

UPDATE: Setanta are carrying quotes from Tamargo confirming the “very sad” news that Villa is no longer on the market.

West Ham reject is shocked he can’t get into the Real Madrid team

Julien Faubert has only been with Real Madrid for five minutes but he is already complaining to the French press that Juande Ramos is not playing him enough. The Spoiler can only assume that despite not being able to break into the West Ham team, the Frenchman expected to walk straight into the Spanish champions’ starting eleven.

The winger had previously complained to his native media that he was “suffering mentally” in his final days at West Ham and it appears that his “suffering” has continued in Madrid, with Faubert suggesting to L’Equipe that Ramos doesn’t like him.

The former Spurs boss responded by claiming that Faubert has spent ten days out injured. That suggestion has been greeted with scepticism though because no mention of this “injury” had been made before and there is no confirmation in Real Madrid’s medical records.

Fergie’s best mate implicated in voting scandal

Ramon Calderon has been Real Madrid’s president since 2006, but thanks to a scandal published in Spanish newspaper Marca, the 58-year-old lawyer will be forced to resign today. Calderon stands accused of winning and securing the Presidency via a terribly naughty system of vote rigging. Four Four Two report:

“The presidential team snuck through people who did not have the right to vote to approve the accounts,” claims the paper.

Marca is reporting that Calderón and members of the team that helped win him Madrid’s presidential election in 2006 rigged the Assembly vote - a poll concerning matters such as the approval of the club’s accounts and budgets.

Marca claims that this vote rigging was achieved with the help of fake “compromisarios” (club members possessing voting rights) whose membership had expired or who did not have enough tenure to legally fulfill the role. It’s a bit like when Sideshow Bob became Mayor of Springfield by counting the votes of the deceased.

The man to whom Alex Ferguson would not “sell a virus” held a press conference on Wednesday denying his role in these shenanigans, but is expected to allow Vice President Vicente Bolouda to take the hot seat later today.

Anfield draw had nothing to do with Gerrard’s dive, apparently

The Spanish football press are always keen to cook up a conspiracy if things don’t go their way, and today’s edition of Marca blames last night’s late (and dubious) penalty solely on UEFA President Michel Platini. Not Steven Gerrard, nor the referee or the linesman who gave the penalty, but Michel Platini.

The main headline of the paper reads “Another robbery by Platini”, while a smaller headline says “Terrible Swedish referee makes up a penalty.” On their website, an unnamed player says: “It seems they don’t want us to go through.”

Does the UEFA boss seriously have it in for the Spaniards? Or should we just offer them some ketchup for that gigantic chip on their shoulder? Let us know below.

Spoiler bonus: On a completely unrelated note, check out Stevie G’s greatest dives after the jump…

Basketball team find subtle way to offend their hosts

Spain (the country whose national manager referred to Thierry Henry as a ‘black shit’, whose fans greeted the England team with monkey chants and whose Formula One supporters found their own special way of welcoming Lewis Hamilton) have enhanced their reputation as world leaders in the field of racism by making ’slit-eyed’ gestures prior to participating in the Beijing basketball tournament.

Clearly, Spanish marketing executives believe the best way to promote good and services is through overt discrimination, as the snap above is actually part of an advertisement for a courier company. The posed faux-pas enjoyed a full-page in Spanish sport daily Marca, and according to The Guardian, no one involved in the advert believed it to be offensive, and they did not consider it inappropriate in light of their bid for the Olympiad in 2016 or 2020.

Man Utd star finds out his face is quite far away from his feet

After discovering that spending weeks in California hard at it with models did nothing to solve the mystery of his damaged ankle, Cristiano Ronaldo is now back in Lisbon, and has really started to scrape the barrel for explanations.

According to Spanish rag Marca, the tricky winger and his agent Jorge Mendes visited a ‘prestigious’ Portuguese dentist to discover whether his ankle problems were caused by a badly placed dental plate. Apparently, this isn’t as stupid as it sounds, as many physical ailments stem from buccal problems.

Ronny’s dental trip was inconclusive, but private dentists all around the world will no doubt be rubbing their hands together thinking of all the folks with too much money and minor foot pangs who will be paying them a visit after hearing this news…

Keeper’s hesitance to wear shirt more than once causes a kerfuffle

Now for a slightly bizarre story from today’s edition of the Spanish newspaper Marca (who were, incidentally, the media ringleaders when Real Madrid started sniffing around Ronaldo).

Apparently, Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas has only taken three jerseys to Austria/ Switzerland - one for each match of the group stage. If his side reach the quarterfinals, new shirts will need to be sent to him from his homeland, but the current Spanish transport strike would make this impossible. Hence, Marca are suggesting that the indefinite strike - which has been called over soaring fuel prices - will affect Spanish team selection if it continues past June 21 (the date of Spain’s first potential quarter-final match).

Quite why they couldn’t (a) fly the shirt over or (b) go and buy one from any sporting goods store in Austria/ Switzerland or (c) put one of his qualification stage jerseys in the wash, remains a mystery.

[Marca]

West London club linked to every player under the sun

According to Marca (a daily pro-Madrid sports paper), or specifically a Mr Garcia Caridad director of Radio Marca, Chelsea have offered 50 million Euros (around £40m) for Fernando Torres.

Avram Grant has already shown interest in the Spanish striker, after asking Benayoun to introduce them. The powers that be at Liverpool, however, are reportedly not interested in listening to offers.

This isn’t the first time the striker has been linked with a departure. Last month, we reported on an article in The Times that claimed Liverpool would be obliged to offload Torres and Babel