Two girls, one cup… well, plate

Wow, what a Wimbledon! Who would ever have imagined that Federer would face Nadal in the men’s final? Or that the Williams sisters might meet in the women’s? That’s right, only every single human being on the planet. Even people who have never heard of tennis. That said, there were a couple of minor shocks - the kind one might get from accidentally taking an electric heater into the bath, or popping an index finger into a plug socket.

Two of those surprises took the form of Ivanovic and Sharapova (both pictured below).

Is this long swan-like woman the next Wimbledon winner? 

Anyone who has lived in a box or a monastery for the last few years might never have heard of Maria Sharapova, but here she is. She’s already won Wimbledon once - back in the windy summer of 2004, when everything was brilliant and Wayne Rooney was still a good football player. Tremendous days.

A preview of the ladies you’ll see grunting on grass next week

In just three days, the world’s media will be devoting their attention to SW19, where the best grass courts in the world will be covered up while you watch classic replays from the seventies. If the inclement weather stops long enough for a spot of tennis, however, all eyes will be on Maria Sharapova and French Open winner Ana Ivanovic. To whet your appetite for all that much-slower-than-the-mens-but-great-to-watch action, the lovely ladies are staring in a new campaign to promote the hotly-anticipated* Sony Ericsson Championships in Qatar.

*Actually, no one cares that much

Sexy bonus: Here’s a much more impressive advert featuring Ana Ivanovic and Daniella Hantuchova…

And not a Mauresmo in sight

Wow, isn’t tennis great? There’s Federer, Nadal, some other guys. It’s just brilliant. Plus, every year, Wimbledon introduces the planet to a new Chris Evert, or Anna Kournikova, or Maria Sharapova. But which of the saucy little lovelies will have Des Lynam cleaning sweat from his moustache in between games this year? Here’s The Spoiler’s top five to look out for - a mixture of old and new.

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My future wife is so confident of victory in the Pacific Life Open, that she has decided to concentrate her energies on the world’s second favourite game named ‘football’. Maria Sharapova is a huge favourite in the tournament, and faces fellow hottie Daniela Hantuchova in the early hours of tonight - bet on her glorious ascent to the semis here.

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The best sports on the telebox tonight

After being made to wear leggings under her tiny skirt in Qatar last week, Maria Sharapova has withdrawn from the WTA Dubai Championships. She cites a ‘viral illness’, rather than ‘the suppression of her right to grunt loudly while wearing revealing outfits in less liberal cultures’ as her excuse.

Despite this devastating blow to sexiness in the women’s game, the tournament rages on and Justine Henin remains favourite.

If Sharapova-less tennis or golf don’t grab you tonight, then be sure to watch Mitchell and Webb’s brilliant sketch show (BBC2, 9pm).

WTA Dubai Tennis Championships
Quarter-finals (British Eurosport, now-6.3.30)

Golf
Honda Classic Day One (Setanta Golf, 8pm)