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Portsmouth’s Sulaiman Al Fahim is in hospital with a mystery illness
[Daily Mail]

100 pictures of Dutch überWAG Sylvie van der Vaart
[DJ Mick]

The ten greatest ‘almost goals’ of all time
[The Offside]

Mario Balotelli wants to hug you
[Dirty Tackle]

Michael Owen injury update
[The Mirror]

Danielle Lloyd’s fishy dream
[Kickette]

This non league side’s pitch doesn’t seem to conform to internationally-recognised standards
[Off The Post]

Titi expresses wish to team up with Professor Wenger once again

Thierry Henry has spent the majority of his career under the instruction of Arsene Wenger, and makes no secret of his love of England (he loves him some tea and scones). In light of these facts, the Barcelona star has anounced his intention to return to these shores to team up with the huge-brained Frenchman once again - even if it means assuming the humiliating role of an Adam Sandler-style waterboy:

“I’ve always said you go back to where you belong. I’ve never stopped saying that I love Arsenal and I’ll one day go back there. How? I don’t know - maybe a waterboy!

“I just love the club and one day I’ll go back for sure.

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Karim Benzema to Manchester United
Lyon chairman Jean-Michel Aulas has conceded that while they don’t plan to sell Benzema this summer, they may receive an offer that is too good to turn down. Aulas explained his predicament with this rather wonderful analogy: “There is a tsunami called Real Madrid which provokes reactions at Chelsea, Manchester City and Manchester United.”

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Sir Alex Ferguson has spoken of his admiration for the French striker before - comparing him to Zinedine Zidane - but he may delay a move until Carlos Tevez makes a decision on his future.

Jose Bosingwa to Bayern Munich
It looks like Chelsea are getting rid of one right-back who is good going forward but occasionally vulnerable defensively for another. Portsmouth have

Patrick Vieira will line up against Manchester United again tonight

Jose Mourinho has decided to start Patrick Vieira and Mario Balotelli against Manchester United tonight while Walter Samuel returns to the Inter Milan defence. Carlos Tevez’ reward for scoring twice against Fulham is a place on the bench while Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes both start in midfield.

Arsene Wenger has named the same eleven players for Arsenal that started the 1-0 win over Roma a fortnight ago. As well as indicating that the Frenchman doesn’t intend to adopt a safety-first approach, it means he has Theo Walcott and Eduardo waiting in the wings to make an impact of the bench.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Mario Balotelli collided with the post in Inter’s 3-0 cup defeat to Sampdoria
[101GG]

David Beckham will fund the majority of the fee AC Milan must pay to loan him
[Football365]

Why Arsenal should avenge their Carling Cup loss against Burnley
[chickendinner]

Check out Guardian readers Nicolas Anelka photoshops
[The Guardian]

Jenson Button has got his job back thanks to Ross Brawn
[Sky Sports]

Cheryl Cole didn’t react well upon hearing of Ashley’s arrest
[Daily Star]

Wantaway striker wants away yet again

For about the thousandth time in his Chelsea career, Didier Drogba has shown a desire to jump ship after being spotted in a restaurant with his agent, an Inter director and Jose Mourinho’s agent. However, for perhaps the first time, the Ivory Coast striker is no longer indispensible. Chelsea are top of the Premier League and the division’s top-scorers while Nicolas Anelka has managed eleven goals in twelve league starts. So if the Blues do finally decide to get shot of the striker, who should they bring in to replace him? Here are a few of the names that have been mentioned so far:

Adriano
The Brazilian striker was a surprise inclusion for Inter Milan in the starting line-up against Juventus, where he helped create the winning goal. There are big question marks over his attitude but former Italy coach Arrigo Sacchi has tipped him to move to Stamford Bridge, saying: ”Roman Abramovich has always liked him and I wouldn’t be surprised if Chelsea came knocking on Massimo Moratti’s door soon.”

Mario Balotelli
The 18-year-old is another Inter Milan striker who is linked with a move to Chelsea in a part-exchange deal for Drogba. Scolari is reportedly impressed by the youngster but it would be seen as a big gamble to replace Drogba with someone so inexperienced.

Lukas Podolski