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German national striker Mario Gomez appeared on a German Saturday night TV show, and was duly made to look like a chump by an amateur
[101GG]

Danielle Lloyd’s 2010calendar shoot
[News of the World]

Brazil claim Adriano is “going through a difficult time”
[Goal.com]

Want to own Keeley Hazell’s wellies? Us neither
[eBay]

Jeff Stelling makes a balls-up on Soccer Saturday
[Off The Post]

Tom Brady and Gisele have security issues
[Deadspin]

Rio Ferdinand is still expected to be out for the Champions League this year
[Football365]

Mario Gomez gives you wings

On Saturday, VfB Stuttgart defeated Dortmund at the Mercedes-Benz Arena, thanks to a winning goal from Mario Gomez. The German national team striker, however, landed himself in a big ol’ pile of controversy thanks to the nature of his goal celebration.

When the half-Spanish forward slotted home in the 62nd minute, he opened an imaginary can and took a sip from it, and then proceeded to flap his arms as if they were wings. According to German newspaper Bild, Gomez has held a “private agreement” with a certain Austrian energy drink manufacturer for several months.

According to FIFA rules, such flagrant advertising

Stuttgart man receives gratuitous nutshot after scoring goal

Stuttgart were trailing 5-0 at home to Bayern Munich last night when Mario Gomez headed home a consolatory goal. There clearly wasn’t much to celebrate, but was the reaction from team mate Martin Lanig really necessary? Does he not know the gut-aching pain of a blow to the gentleman’s lunchbox?

[Off The Post]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Find out how to bet on the goals market for the Andorra/ England match by visiting this natty little page at Betfair

Boris Becker’s latest wardrobe faux pas
[Polite Applause]

An unpleasant video for fans of birds
[Grid Crasher]

Bild talk to Mario Gomez about his huge offer from Manchester City
[Bild]

Aussie rules footballers find new ways to be extremely inappropriate in public
[WithLeather]

Video: Robinho isn’t quite sure who he plays for
[The Offside]

They’re a disgrace, a big revolting disgrace…

Okay, we’ve drooled enough over the Arshavins and the David Villas, now it’s time to load up the claws and get stuck into some massive Euro 2008 flops. These men should think about getting a new day job - especially you, Ronaldo, or whatever your name is! What’s that? It is Ronaldo? Yeah, well…. shut up!

GK Petr Cech (Czech Republic)
His mistakes were costly, the hat looks stupid, and he’s getting more and more grumpy - starting to resemble the world’s most sullen gimp.

DL Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)
Lack of match practice and being played out of position made Ferreira appalling against the Germans. Needs to locate his footballing ability.

DC Lilian Thuram (France)
In fairness, he should never have been there. Too old for the modern speedsters with their shiny trainers and spikey hairstyles. Someone needs to tell him to stop.

All of today’s rumours in one easy-to-use list thing

Well that’s it, the football seasons have ended throughout Europe… sorry, hang on, what’s that Scotland? Yours hasn’t finished? Hmmm, is it going to be Rangers or Celtic? Well, there’s a shock. Some might argue that your football season never really starts or ends. But enough of this zany metaphysical talk, what’s been going on in Transfer Land?

Frank Lampard to Inter Milan
Whenever it sounds like Jose Mourinho is close to picking up his sheriffs badge and polishing his six shooter, ready to rejoin the world of the employed, everyone starts frothing at the mouth and insisting that, well, that’s it, Lampard and Drogba will definitely be going to Italy after all. He’s not their dad, you know.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Simple maths? Probably not, Columbo.

Mario Gomez to Newcastle
There is talk of Germany’s new star joining the pantheon of greats, like Jon-Dahl Tomasson, Albert Luque, Alan Smith, Warren Barton… the list is very long.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: One word Mario: don’t do it!